The Middle of the Chaos

Having started the chaos in January, Matthijs and I are now in the middle of the process of moving to a new country and my starting a new job. I tell myself that it is not that bad: it is, after all, only for a few months more and we have already had the worst of it (the 2.5 months of being alone in Lansing with only a short visit from Matthijs). Yet, living in the middle of the chaos is still hard.

I am back in Amsterdam. That is good. I love being with Matthijs, and I love this place and those here.
But it is hard to be so far away from Lansing and those I am growing to care about. It is hard to be so far away from the ministry there.

I am still in Amsterdam, longer than I had expected. This makes things a bit more chaotic as it requires an extra shift: how do I resume normal life here when normal has been changing? And most of those changes happen to be on the other side of an ocean. Furthermore, one of the biggest changes has not yet happened: my visa approving my working in America. Even though there is no reason that we can imagine for the ministry and me not being approved, the current lack of visa complicates things. It means Matthijs cannot stop his job, I cannot get paid nor do the work fully, I cannot get approved for a mortgage to buy a house in Lansing, and it places a greater burden on those involved in the ministry in Lansing.

I do not like the waiting and uncertainty. I want to and need to make plans, but it is difficult, if not impossible, to plan well. It's driving me crazy, distracting me from living my life. And yet, there is a gentle voice that is reminding me that the chaos is also my life. And the chaos is helping me turn to God and open my eyes to how God can work in and through me.