12 May 2010

Today my father has surgery

Not knowing how to tell others, I have said little about my father's planned heart bypass surgery.

I suspect that part of the reason I have not mentioned it so much is because I'm not entirely sure how to react to the whole situation. On the one hand, it is the sort of procedure that is performed so often that it is almost routine. Yet, it is still his heart being operated on - and it is my father who is being operated on. That makes it a bit more uncertain, and I am a bit anxious.

Most of the time, living so far away from my parents has been okay, even providing neat opportunities like my being able to visit my parents for days at a time (seeing them at their work)- or have them come here for vacation. But now, with this situation, being so far away makes it harder. My mom and sisters have kept me updated really well, but it's still strange to be thousands of kilometres and 6 hours time difference away (like right now as I write they're on the way to the hospital, even though it is still dark outside there) while something this big is happening in the lives of people I love.

My mother has said that my father is calm and peaceful about everything, and my Mom and sisters sound also peaceful about the situation. And we are all trusting God. And deep down, I am deeply thankful that the problem was discovered before my father ever had any problems, like a heart attack - because of his work and a heart murmer, he is forced to have random check-ups, which this time discovered the possible danger early on.

And today, I am praying extra for my parents - and I am looking forward to hearing from my Mom/sister tonight about how my dad is doing.

11 May 2010

Still a bit of disorder

Although I recently wrote a note saying that my life was returning to normal, there are a couple of signs that my life still has quite a bit of disorder in it.

A part of that disorder and irregularity is normal - it's an obvious consequence of trying to make ends meet without having a job - it means I take on a number of random short-time things when the possibilities present themselves and when the need for money is more higher. Life in a community is also full of random activities that occur frequently enough to be normal but not enough to be 'regular' for me - and some of which are demanding and/or unexpected. And then add a boyfriend to it, who I like more than enough to see frequently but who also needs to be scheduled in amidst all the above randomness [fortunately his life is slightly less disordered normally].

And then there have been a couple of bigger irregular things in my life - the 5 extra days in Turkey - and a last-minute visit from a friend. Both things were good, but both drew me away from the already limited order I have in my life.

And so I see that certain things that are normal in my life, like writing for this blog and working on my dissertation and/or my unfinished thesis have been pushed a bit to the wayside. And I miss them.

And so when somebody asked if I was looking forward to the retreat with the community this weekend, the obvious answer to me was 'no.' It is one more thing, like my being present more within the community this past week while others took vacation, that draws me away from what limited order I am trying to struggling to find in my life. I think tomorrow after spending some time with the community, I will be thankful to be there - but for today, I am still longing for a certain amount of order, as well as the wisdom (humour?) to see order in the midst of the disorder.