as much as living in community plays a huge role in my question of how to grow and move forward and what's next, there are a couple of other things that also play a role. the big ones are the following:
- my position doing research with the Werkgroep Informatica ends this summer. it's likely that we'll get a new grant to do another related project, but it'll be january at the earliest before that could come through.
- i need to have enough money to live on - and enough to travel regularly back to Canada [as you can see, there's not much question of whether i'm staying in Amsterdam - i'm still not sure how long but i've been preparing my mother for the possibility that i might never live in North America again]. and i guess i could go on unemployment benefits for awhile - but that doesn't exactly appeal to me, especially since applying for jobs is a requirement and i know that'll make me grouchy - and not so motivated to do the things i do love to do.
- i'd like to do more studying and thinking and being academic - and most of all work hard on that ph.d. of mine. i've been striving towards my ph.d. for three years now, and it normally takes four, so nobody's too worried about my not being done yet. and i've been interrupted by a couple of things - a research position somewhat unrelated to my dissertation research, teaching for 3 + 1 months in Michigan, a year of preparation in the research master, learning dutch, participating in a community, and so on. and since all these things opened up doors for letting me do what i love, i don't regret them - or that they might mean that i've added a couple of years to the date of finishing my ph.d. but since getting my ph.d opens up so many doors (for doing what i love), especially related to teaching and research positions, getting it done sooner opens up these doors sooner.
but how do these things fit? i'm not getting paid to do my ph.d. (i am still getting (thankfully!) some money from different places, most notably the Christian Reformed Church through Calvin Seminary but this grant/scholarship isn't really enough to live on, even after saving up from this year) - so i need at least some outside income. and the idea of working on my dissertation all the time doesn't really appeal to me, either. i mean, i really enjoy my research, but i also really appreciate the distraction of doing multiple things and spending time outside of my head. the community is good for this distraction and being forced back into a bit more down-to-earth world (at least compared to academics) - just as getting to be academic makes my introverted side happy and gives me a distraction from all the details and challenges and neverending work/activities that can be found in community.
and the fit i've figured out thus far is to find ways and inspiration to put more time into the academic side of things, which translates directly into writing. i'm allowed to keep my computer and office at the university so i have a place to go to work (that should help give me a work place outside of my own house, and some structure, and an excuse to go biking, which often makes me feel better :)). i'm most likely going forward with a translation project on a book on how to read the Bible (an area i want to explore more for and in my dissertation) - waiting for a/the grant to come through might take awhile there, too, though. and so i'll probably ask to "work" in the community (on top of the regular volunteering) for the first few months in exchange for paying less for rent or food. and since the first couple of months can often be hectic while many new people get adjusted to being here and things need to get organized, a bit of extra temporary help could take away a bit of the hectic-ness that a number of people in the community often experience in the first few months.
so those are the thoughts for next year - i don't think it's fully untangled (and God has a habit of surprising me so there's really no point anyways in planning things too strictly). but i like having ideas and plans and hopes for next year. it makes me excited and hopeful - hoping that next year will mean getting to do more of what i love alongside taking further steps in providing me with more freedom to do what i love.
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