no, i really am not interested...

like most people, i used to be annoyed with telemarketers. however, i did recognize that my Christianity affected how i dealt with this annoyance, and so the person calling ought to be treated with respect and grace. even as i still try to make it very clear that i really am not interested - in fact, i ewant to show them i don't have any need for it - or i have something even better. i've managed to bump into something else in Amsterdam that creates in me that same general annoyed feeling of "aargh, what part of 'i'm not interested' do you not seem to understand?!?"

where i come from, you wave at everybody else who drives by irrelevant of whether you know them (it's a small-town thing). but if you're in a big city, you ignore everyone. this is partially so as not to attract any unwanted attention and inconvenience yourself and/or potentially put yourself in danger. in Amsterdam, i have to adapt away from ignoring everyone, as it's not like i have to worry too much about personal safety (i live with tons of people - and a number of the homeless folk around either know me or at least know the place i live), and i want to be part of reaching out to our neighbourhood (which includes having strangers come into our house for coffee daily). so i'm much more friendly to the people around me, even being willing to look people in the eyes, smile, and even say hello (if i know them), although i still generally ignore (and even disdain) tourists. and i like having the freedom to laugh and wave at the guys cleaning the streets who admire how i look in a skirt and boots. however, every so often i bump into one of those "aargh" moments.

one day on my way home from church, i saw some guy looking at me. i looked back, he continued to look, i ignored him as much as possible. the thought i was trying to convey to him was "please do not talk to me - i have no desire to tell you i'm not interested in whatever you're offering in any way that is gracious." he missed my not-so-subtle non-verbal clues and talked to me. he told me i looked very beautiful (i said, thanks). he asked if he could walk with me for awhile (i said, okay). he asked me where i lived (i told him). asked my name (i told him and asked for his). he told me again how beautiful i looked and that's why he couldn't help stare at me earlier. and he told me that he wanted to get to know me better and wouldn't i go out for a drink with him (me: no, thanks). maybe we could make an appointment for another time (i told him i had a boyfriend who would not like that). and he left.

and i was generally annoyed with the situation. partly because i could have done a better job of explaining why i wasn't interested other than having a potentially jealous boyfriend. partly because i could have actually offered the hospitality of a cup of coffee to him (at my house) and introduced him to a different world (but i was too irritated with his not understanding my lack of interest to feel very gracious). and partly because i find it frustrating that just because i live in the Red Light District, that if i'm walking alone dressed up, respond in a generally polite manner, and am told i'm beautiful, that some male i've never met before finds it appropriate to indicate that he wants to have some kind of a relationship with me.

that guy got less grace than ideal (although he actually listened fairly well to my "not interested" response). but i was angry with him because he was the second strange male that week. and the first one had really missed it. i had done better - i had actually invited him inside for a coffee, but he couldn't believe that i would offer only coffee and a talk - and when he finally realized that's all i was offering, he wasn't interested in the real relationship i could have offered him. and as much as i find being solicited by strangers annoying, i find it even more annoying that they would be so surprised or disinterested when i might offer them something better than they are trying to offer me.