being single and still growing?

getting married is often seen as one of the big steps to becoming fully an adult. but sometimes it doesn't happen - and then there is this strange waiting or delaying or longing or avoidance.

as noted in a (late) postscript to the previous blog entry, an article in Christian Singles Today, "The Season of Waiting," comments on the challenges of figuring out how to live with the not going forward in the expected ways and having to wait well.

and sometimes that waiting can be too much. a lot of people struggle with putting dreams on hold - until they find the right one to share the dream with. or sometimes people choose a job or career that was intended to be temporary, until... and then the 'until' never happens. and sometimes people can't wait any longer - and then finding a spouse, any spouse, becomes more important than anything else.

the waiting and being single often seems antithetical to the desire to move forward, to grow, to fulfill dreams. and figuring out ways to keep growing while waiting is hard and challenging. the choices are to pretend it doesn't matter - or to throw one into projects or work or church or something. or one can join a dominant trend in our culture - to live a sort of prolonged adolescence [in an article related to singleness and the place of singles in the church, Skye Jethani notes that "our consumer culture has fostered the prolonging of adolescence and the delayed onset of adulthood."]. and i can understand this desire for the irresponsibility of adolescence - it's a lot more fun than waiting!

at times, i chafe against the waiting - feeling like there are way too many uncertainties in my life [can't i just move forward already? have a permanent job, a permanent place to live, and so on]. and then when i find it too much, i search out a project of some sort to put my energy into - so i can have a goal and a sense of moving forward - and i think that's okay to some extent, provided i don't use this as an excuse to stop growing in my whole life. and i don't want to forget that the discomfort of waiting and uncertainties helps remind me of being a pilgrim, a metaphor that fits for Christians who are always on a journey.