being socially conscious

we didn't have a lot of money while i was growing up. out of necessity, we learned to be cheap and be content with less. those skills have proven very helpful over the years in both minimizing my debt from school, in giving me the freedom to go many different places and serve God in so many different ways, and helped me be generally content whatever the circumstances.

but having learned the blessings of being cheap - and somewhat being forced into it by necessity - it's hard to un-learn the mindset that cheap is always good. certainly using limited resources in a responsible way is good - it's being responsible with what God has given me. and less is generally good (except when it comes to being hospitable) but cheap is not necessarily good. being cheap can sometimes be only looking our for what is good for me - and not for other people. sometimes being cheap means not giving to others as much as i can - or it means not participating in things that would bring joy to lots of people. and sometimes my paying less for something means that somebody else is not being paid as much as they should be.

i struggle with how to be responsible with the resources i do have and acting (e.g. buying & giving) in a way that shows care and love for the others around me. as my resources change, the questions change. now that i've paid off all of the necessary bills and have money left over, what then? to whom and how do i give? how much do i use to pay off my old student loan (and how quickly do i do that)? when do i start putting money aside/away for when i need to buy a new laptop? for retirement savings? in case something huge happens where i need money? how much do i spend on myself? how much do i spend on paying more for certain products - because of better quality and also products where money does really go in a good way to those who made it? (and how much time do i spend researching whether those who made it are actually getting the money and not most of it going to the marketers)?

i know i'm not the only one to struggle with this - and am thankful for that [see Crystle's entry about purchasing choices which i think is great - and perhaps answer some of my how to be responsible well questions :)]. but all these questions make me sometimes wish i was even poor-er and i didn't have those choices. or wish i could simply believe that my getting the best deal for myself is always good. but serving God with my whole life - and all my money (not just a small amount of it) is not quite that simple, eh?