a series of moments

i said to a housemate yesterday that only here could ‘this’ happen. the ‘this’ of the moment was someone sitting at the piano playing random songs in various keys with whoever wanted to loudly singing along (including me). and it was delightful – for it was done with gusto and joy, celebrating the gift of music and wanting to share that with others.

and there have been so many other 'this' moments lately – which could, like the above, theoretically happen elsewhere – but likely not as many or as often.

on Thursday, i was invited out to a ballet (La Bayadere) for the next evening [the friend who had originally been planning to go was sick and couldn’t go]. i’ve never been to a ballet before [i grew up in a small town] and being in the seventh row of a great theatre watching the National Ballet perform a classic is definitely how i'd recommend how one be introduced to ballet :).

and Friday night, in the midst of our silent supper [the silence at suppers, by the way, has been quite delightful, although getting enough water, food and the salt are a bit of a challenge at times], one of the women at the table wanted more water. so she reached her glass over to where someone was pouring water (he was two seats away from her). the easiest way to do that was to bring it in front of the person who was sitting between them. but it just so happened that that person was raising her glass to her lips at the same time. and so the two cups clinked together the way you’d do if you toasted someone. the look of surprise brought on by having one’s glass bumped into without any warning was priceless. and the ensuing giggling of everyone who saw it nearly interrupted the silence we were practicing.

on Sunday, i attended a practice concert of a friend (Jackie) in an orchestra. there were about ten chairs for the audience, and we were about two metres from the director and some of the players. the music was well-done and being live, it was delightful to hear. but the best part was the atmosphere – getting to be that close and watch people’s faces, their actions, and their participation in the music. but it was also delightful just to get to see another part of Jackie’s life – and hang out and chat over coffee together afterwards.

lately, i’ve had the growing realization that life here has changed how i relate to others. and i’m not sure what to make of that – even if i believe i have grown by life and interacting here. i know i’m not as nice as i used to be. i’m more opiniated about what i consider inappropriate behaviour – and less patient when i experience it. and more likely to express my thoughts on it. i’m not sure how much of this is healthier, how much of this is because living here takes up a lot of emotional energy so i have less for people outside of the community, and how much is my feeble attempts to learn healthy(er) boundaries. but the immediate consequence is having hurt a couple of friends by what i’ve said. we’ll talk about it sooner or later but i’m nervous about the conversations – as i want to be loving, am not sure how to express my feelings that i think some of their behaviour inappropriate/unloving, and be willing to admit that maybe my opinion/thinking has also been appropriate/ unloving.

coming home on Friday night, i discovered (as i had kind of suspected by a conversation at breakfast) that one of the evening’s cooks hadn’t showed up. the one who had showed up tried to figure out how to do it on his own but realized too late that he had bought something with meat – which we eat only on Sundays during lent. so, we put that aside until Sunday, took soup out of the cellar, and i explained how to make garlic bread (out of our overflow of bread that we currently had). and he managed okay on his own (giving me time to send back a german movie from amazon.de [a procedure highly complicated by the process on their website and my inability to read German] and buy a bright orange fleece blanket, whose colour and comfort just make me happy). and supper was fine (although ironically the vegetable soup actually had meatballs in it – oops! so much for avoiding meat).

but friday made it five consecutive days when there had been some glitch with the cooking. Monday, one of the helpers needed to be reminded umpteen times and then still showed up late (which is not really my problem but as the person’s whose problem it really is was gone and i feel responsible for helping the cooks out, the glitch involved me). Tuesday, the person expected to help was 'sick as a dog' – and no one knew that the regularly scheduled person to help was coming back in time to do it (though thankfully the regular cook is more than capable of handling these challenges, so i could be completely uninvolved). Wednesday, several attempts to find a substitute for the helper (who was kind of on vacation that week) were unsuccessful. and the cook he was helping was new (and the first time cooking for 20+ is always a bit overwhelming) – we’d got her to substitute for someone who’d asked for vacation. but the person who’d asked for vacation actually cooked on Thursday. because it was the funeral of the mom of the person who normally cooks on Thursdays. so both me and the other cook searched for replacements. and in the end, we’d found two people who were semi-experienced and somewhat familiar with cooking to work together but it wasn’t exactly ideal. and when one of them became sick that day, i was very thankful that we were helped out by the person who had asked for and been given a vacation. the week’s cooking turned out okay/well, but there was a lot of extra work involved.

and extra work kind of describes much of the last week. some people were on vacation. there was a death in a family. the newer people seem to be taking longer than usual to adjust. some people were sick. and although i wasn’t ever asked specifically to do more work that week, it just kind of happened that way. people forget to do things, so others step in. there are less regular people to help out with cleaning up and organizing things, so you stay a bit longer or do a couple of extra things. and i know if i’d been overwhelmed, i could have done less - but it would mean passing on the work to a couple of others who i knew were already doing extra to cover those who were sick and gone – and it seemed unloving to them not to help out if i saw the work and i could do it. but it still felt a bit unfair that some people have to suffer because of other’s choices and/or neglect.

i have learned that in the community one needs to learn how to let things slide – for trying to be responsible for every detail in a house like this is impossible and even planning well is no guarantee for avoiding glitches (e.g. last week’s cooking). but it’s hard to know how much one ought to let slide when you see work forgotten and/or neglected and when people act in ways that are disrespectful of others (and as i also know i act in these ways sometimes, what do i do with the anger i feel about the unfairness of some people suffering because of other's inconsider choices). i’ve thought, prayed and cried over the challenge of loving the others i share my life with: when (and with whom) is it more loving to extend grace over actions done and when is it more loving to point out to someone that their choices, even if they seem inconsequential, have unnecessarily inconvenienced the lives of others?

so as much as the extra work has made me tired, i have spent more energy on processing all this (which consequently interrupted my focus on homework – something i would choose again but know that my crazy schedule doesn’t really have much space for). so the joy and delight of the moments of the weekend were a gift in restoring some of my joy and energy.

and Monday night was one more gift - we had a going-away party of a couple who’d participated in the community here for nine years. and as good-byes and thanks were being said, there was a lot of emotion. i was reminded again why we are crazy enough to choose life in community. as much as life here brings questions and sadness, it also brings amazing memories, a lot of excitement, and unexpected joys. and most of all, it embodies (albeitly imperfectly) the body of Christ – so that in the midst of the questions and sadness, one of God’s family is close by enough to comfort us and walk with us through the questions and sadness.