loving others

one of the best definitions of love that i remember is given by a monk i know. he says We mistakenly think that others who profess to love God and follow Jesus will do so only in ways that we understand and approve. We wrongly expect people to show their love for God and neighbor by behaving only in ways with which we are comfortable and that buttress our own beliefs, rather than causing us to question our assumptions. The life of Jesus teaches us how wrong we are. Jesus upset almost everyone at some point, and yet he loved them all. His example teaches us how to truly love by seeing people as they are and accepting them as they are, while expecting them to grow, hoping and praying for their growth, and joyfully respecting their ultimate maturity as images of God--all unique, beautiful images different from each other but still images of the infinite God."

if you asked me if i loved somebody, i would certainly say yes, but putting the kind of selfless love into practice every day is kind of hard. sometimes i find it difficult to answer how i`ve actually shown that love – especially to people different than me.

people different than me tend to be interested in different things than me (which would stand to reason on account of us being different). it follows that i´m not as naturally excited about certain things as they are. nonetheless, responding to these things with “i don´t care” or “i´m not really interested” is neither tactful or loving (as my sisters pointed out to me). i don´t need to point out my lack of interest in the subject as my lack knowledge on the subject when i open my mouth makes this already blatantly obvious. however, if i love somebody i choose to be interested in something outside of my natural interests because this interest is part of who he/she is.

awhile ago, i was sitting listening to somebody talk about something or other (i have no idea what now), and the thought crossed my mind that i really don´t care about what they´re talking about. and then i realized, i don´t get to make the choice not to care. if i truly love this person, as i would say i want to do, then that means i care about the things that they are interested in. (and thus, i`d better adjust my attitude.)

during my two years of teaching in Ukraine i was shown a lot of what it meant to love people. i was loved as i was - for being from Canada, for laughing a lot, for asking why too often, and for being a bit disorganized. and as i was discovering my love for teaching – and discovering how that provided a completely new way for me to be who God has me to be, i was also getting to be loved for being a teacher. their love was shown not only in their tremendous hospitality to me (what i know about hospitality has been taught me by my mother first and by these Hungarians second), but also in their interest in me, their willingness to learn, and their acceptance of the fact that i wasn´t like their other teachers. and i couldn´t help but love them back, trying to do that as fiercely as they loved me (not having a lot of personal space or privacy in the school in Ukraine made loving a hands-on experience. but we had a lot in common so that made it a bit easier. life was hard in Ukraine – and it was hard for everyone. we needed each other and loving each other was a bit of a survival mechanism.)

when i returned to America, i tried to keep ahold of what they had taught me about loving people – but it was easier to do it abstractly as everyone tends to keep a bit more distance. and i could live my own life doing what i wanted when i wanted most of the time.

living in the community in Amsterdam, some of my freedom and distance disappeared. and it became obvious that i was better at abstractly loving people than doing so in every day life. and that i tended to focus on what interested me (including myself) instead of appreciating what others were interested in.

with visiting Ukraine, there was the hope that i would better remember that unconditional love i had received and learnt to give. to receive the kind of hospitality that does not let me pay for anything, that rearranges one´s schedule just to meet together for awile, and that changes one´s language. and even to bend those rules of hospitality a bit because i have become a bit less of a guest and more like family. and to feel loved by that.

i hope i remember well – and am willing to participate in the hard work of loving people in reality, even if and when they choose to care about things different than i would, or when they invade my space, or when understanding each other is difficult. and that i might be willing to be surprised and blessed by how God shows Himself in others.