Every so often a thought pops into my head - a compilation of things I'd been thinking, conversations I've had, books I've been reading, spiritual lessons I've learned, Bible texts I've read - and I realize, "hmmm, this is a word of God for me." It's a bit like me talking to myself combined with the sense that this is what God, as He has been revealed in the Bible and in his relationship with his people, would want me to hear on the basis of what I'm experiencing at a certain moment.
What have I been hearing lately? "Sometimes it just ain't about you."
Sometimes I don't want to do something or I find something hard or I don't feel like it or whatever. In my family, we'd tell each other to "suck it up," which are often good words to hear - but it's a different thought than hearing that sometimes it's not about me. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how I feel - God deserves to be praised even if I'm not in the mood. Sometimes it doesn't matter if I don't want to - I still have commitments and people to help. And I do deep down want to honour others. And what if I don't feel like I can? So what? It isn't about me - it's not about what I can do, or what I want to, or how I feel - it's about God who can do all things, including in and through me. If I spend too much energy focusing on me and how I feel about it, am I not potentially standing in the way of God?
18 March 2012
17 March 2012
A sunday afternoon walk
Last Sunday, Matthijs and I took advantage of the wonderful sunny day to go for a walk down Haarlemerstraat and then back again through the area north of that (close to the IJ river). I remembered to take my camera along, and this is what we saw:
There will hopefully be many more sunny days for walks and pictures...
 |
| one way of anchoring your bike down so as to make sure it doesn't get stolen! |
 |
| We weren't the only ones checking out the street! |
 |
| Beautiful architecture along the way |
 | |
| Lachen = laughter; Marcus 4:14 is Mark 4:14 - but the text (let many prosper?) doesn't have anything to do with the text of Mark 4, which is the parable of the sower.... |
 |
| in the neighbourhoods closer to the IJ - the bridge looks old, but it is actually from around 1980 |
 |
| Noah's ark |
 |
| Noah surrounded by St Peter and St John |
 |
| The other side of the church shown earlier - in the background of the meisjes school |
 | |||
| A houseboat neighbourhood |
There will hopefully be many more sunny days for walks and pictures...
03 March 2012
Spiritual disciplines during lent
During Lent, we do weekly small groups (Bible studies) as a community - and this year, the tochtgenoten are leading the studies. We've decided to focus on spiritual disciplines using Richard Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline (Het feest van de navolging) as a resource. It's given me the push to re-read his book and focus again on spiritual disciplines. I appreciate it as much as I did the other times I read it - and am glad to have the incentive to wonder more about how I can make more room in my life for spiritual disciplines.
One of the things that has struck me the most is how helpful the spiritual disciplines are for putting things back in perspective. In the midst of all the fluctuation in my life in the last while, I've often felt like my life has been horribly out of balance. Being given a means to re-order my life has been great - it helps also that there's a constant reminder that these are disciplines and not rules! The disciplines provide ways to open myself more up to God's grace - and help me realize that it's not through my own strength, willpower and/or desire that I can live out the Christian life the way I believe God would want me to. No matter how hard I try, I'll always fail when I try to do it on my own. It's only through God's grace that I can live the way God wants me to.
Having spent more than enough time lately being disappointed in my failure to be more concerned about the lives of those around me and spending too little time doing the academic work that I do actually love, this very real reminder of the inevitably of my failure - and the presence of grace in the midst of that - has been a breath of fresh air. It pushes me to want to try to exercise more of the disciplines, in the hope that I might open myself more open to God's grace and be more able to fully delight in life and the world around me.
One of the things that has struck me the most is how helpful the spiritual disciplines are for putting things back in perspective. In the midst of all the fluctuation in my life in the last while, I've often felt like my life has been horribly out of balance. Being given a means to re-order my life has been great - it helps also that there's a constant reminder that these are disciplines and not rules! The disciplines provide ways to open myself more up to God's grace - and help me realize that it's not through my own strength, willpower and/or desire that I can live out the Christian life the way I believe God would want me to. No matter how hard I try, I'll always fail when I try to do it on my own. It's only through God's grace that I can live the way God wants me to.
Having spent more than enough time lately being disappointed in my failure to be more concerned about the lives of those around me and spending too little time doing the academic work that I do actually love, this very real reminder of the inevitably of my failure - and the presence of grace in the midst of that - has been a breath of fresh air. It pushes me to want to try to exercise more of the disciplines, in the hope that I might open myself more open to God's grace and be more able to fully delight in life and the world around me.
29 February 2012
Looking forward to going on retreat
It feels like a very long time ago that Matthijs and I went on vacation. Except for our weekend in Groningen last October, our last vacation together was in July (!!) when we went to the Society of Biblical Literature conference in London. And that was a bit too full of lectures and meetings to be a super restful vacation. Matthijs did go away to Birmingham last September, but that was also a full trip: a conference with an extra day added on to go sightseeing.
We did go on vacation to Canada last December - both of us worn out and ready to rest and relax (and be spoiled by my mother). But when we arrived, my mother's health started spiralling drastically downward. Within a few days, I had taken over cooking and cleaning, and I started spending a lot of time at doctor's offices and hospitals - and I was processing the possibility that there was something seriously wrong with my mother's health. The rest Matthijs and I had been hoping for - and new adventures with each other - proved unattainable. Instead, we had to search for enough energy to face with courage the new situation in the family.
Although I have had the freedom to work less in the last while, so as to have time both to mourn and rest, rest and relaxation both still sound very appealing. Matthijs has had less time to rest since coming back from Canada, and I can sense that he really misses not having had a real vacation in the last while. When his work offered to send him on retreat at a monastery, it immediately appealed to him. The only problem is that it feels like we've been away from each other a lot these last few months, and another week away just seemed too much. He spent a lot of time thinking about it and finally chose to decline - choosing instead to stay home for me. When he wondered to me whether or not his final decision was a good one, I impulsively said that the solution would be that I go along, something that had never occurred to either of us earlier. The thought immediately resonated with both of us, and the next day Matthijs called and made arrangements for us to go.
And I'm really looking forward to going. I couldn't simply just say twenty times over how much I'm looking forward to it, as that would be a bit dull to read. So, instead I tried to explain a bit of the how and why I'm longing for this. But what I really want to say is simple. I'm really, really looking forward to going on retreat together (in less than 3 weeks!).
We did go on vacation to Canada last December - both of us worn out and ready to rest and relax (and be spoiled by my mother). But when we arrived, my mother's health started spiralling drastically downward. Within a few days, I had taken over cooking and cleaning, and I started spending a lot of time at doctor's offices and hospitals - and I was processing the possibility that there was something seriously wrong with my mother's health. The rest Matthijs and I had been hoping for - and new adventures with each other - proved unattainable. Instead, we had to search for enough energy to face with courage the new situation in the family.
Although I have had the freedom to work less in the last while, so as to have time both to mourn and rest, rest and relaxation both still sound very appealing. Matthijs has had less time to rest since coming back from Canada, and I can sense that he really misses not having had a real vacation in the last while. When his work offered to send him on retreat at a monastery, it immediately appealed to him. The only problem is that it feels like we've been away from each other a lot these last few months, and another week away just seemed too much. He spent a lot of time thinking about it and finally chose to decline - choosing instead to stay home for me. When he wondered to me whether or not his final decision was a good one, I impulsively said that the solution would be that I go along, something that had never occurred to either of us earlier. The thought immediately resonated with both of us, and the next day Matthijs called and made arrangements for us to go.
And I'm really looking forward to going. I couldn't simply just say twenty times over how much I'm looking forward to it, as that would be a bit dull to read. So, instead I tried to explain a bit of the how and why I'm longing for this. But what I really want to say is simple. I'm really, really looking forward to going on retreat together (in less than 3 weeks!).
23 February 2012
My favourite mom pictures
On the day before the funeral visitation for my mom, my family and I went through all our pictures at home, searching for ones that would help people see and remember my mom as she was.
There were two that were my favourites. The first is one I'm familiar with - the wedding picture of my mom and dad, crammed into the back of an auto, incredibly happy. I saw that picture frequently enough growing up, and I felt special for having two beautiful parents who clearly loved each other deeply.
The second is one I had never seen before: one of the many pictures taken of her with the grandchildren. They are playing together, and before the beginning of their pretend meal, they stop to pray. I'm not sure how the picture got taken but it captures two things I love about my mom. She loved the grandchildren and delighted in helping them play. And secondly, she deeply hoped and prayed that her children and grandchildren would love God as much as she did.
21 February 2012
Opera with family
This week marks the fortieth wedding anniversary of my in-laws. Yay!
To celebrate we went out together as a family (in Zwolle). First we ate out, and then we went to the opera (La Traviata). It was a delightful evening, and I enjoyed it tremendously.
I do have to admit that I find it odd to go out to the opera with family, though. I've been to the opera a couple of times in my life, including once with Matthijs (when we were on our honeymoon). Operas just weren't part of my normal world growing up (nobody I knew even listened to operas, let alone watched them!). My own experience with opera hasn't necessarily made me appreciative of opera cds, but watching operas lives is something I do enjoy: operas nowadays have quite a bit of theatrical elements in them, and the presence of subtitles makes them much more understandable.
After everything that has happened these last months in my own family, it is impossible not to have that colour the celebration of this weekend. While it makes me miss my own family and feel my family's loss more strongly, it also makes me treasure more the family I have been given here in the Netherlands.
To celebrate we went out together as a family (in Zwolle). First we ate out, and then we went to the opera (La Traviata). It was a delightful evening, and I enjoyed it tremendously.
I do have to admit that I find it odd to go out to the opera with family, though. I've been to the opera a couple of times in my life, including once with Matthijs (when we were on our honeymoon). Operas just weren't part of my normal world growing up (nobody I knew even listened to operas, let alone watched them!). My own experience with opera hasn't necessarily made me appreciative of opera cds, but watching operas lives is something I do enjoy: operas nowadays have quite a bit of theatrical elements in them, and the presence of subtitles makes them much more understandable.
After everything that has happened these last months in my own family, it is impossible not to have that colour the celebration of this weekend. While it makes me miss my own family and feel my family's loss more strongly, it also makes me treasure more the family I have been given here in the Netherlands.
09 February 2012
A crazy, wonderful week
Sitting on the couch behind the computer (and with Jerry) helps me to realize what a crazy, wonderful week it has been thus far. It's also the first real slow moment of this week.
I've been spending all this past week at a conference in Leiden: Biblical Scholarship and Humanities Computing. I'm surrrounded by people who not only understand what I am trying to do with my dissertation project (structural/discourse analysis in the book of Ezekiel) but are also asking similar questions and are as at least as excited about this kind of work as I am. It's been great to participate in the project: wonder with others, get new ideas and inspiration, and be able to network with others.
But it's also been crazy tiring - from 10.00-12.00 we have speakers, 12.15-13.15 is lunch together, and from 13.30-17.00 we have organized group discussions. Monday evening there was a wine and cheese party, Tuesday evening there was dinner on a boat (home at 22.30!), and Wednesday evening we had dinner at a sponsoring organisation (home at 22.00). Outside of the lectures and official discussions, we still continue to talk about Bible and computer stuff. It's a lot to process - and even if there's only fifty of us, it's still a lot of people for me to be around so much of the time!
As my ideas start getting more worked out, I'll hopefully write more about them - although possibly not here, but on my "academic" blog (www.brendasbiblioblog.wordpress.com). I've been doing a poor job of updating that blog so hopefully all the inspirtation and ideas of this past week will be a good incentive to work harder on being more proactive in interacting with other scholars.
I've been spending all this past week at a conference in Leiden: Biblical Scholarship and Humanities Computing. I'm surrrounded by people who not only understand what I am trying to do with my dissertation project (structural/discourse analysis in the book of Ezekiel) but are also asking similar questions and are as at least as excited about this kind of work as I am. It's been great to participate in the project: wonder with others, get new ideas and inspiration, and be able to network with others.
But it's also been crazy tiring - from 10.00-12.00 we have speakers, 12.15-13.15 is lunch together, and from 13.30-17.00 we have organized group discussions. Monday evening there was a wine and cheese party, Tuesday evening there was dinner on a boat (home at 22.30!), and Wednesday evening we had dinner at a sponsoring organisation (home at 22.00). Outside of the lectures and official discussions, we still continue to talk about Bible and computer stuff. It's a lot to process - and even if there's only fifty of us, it's still a lot of people for me to be around so much of the time!
As my ideas start getting more worked out, I'll hopefully write more about them - although possibly not here, but on my "academic" blog (www.brendasbiblioblog.wordpress.com). I've been doing a poor job of updating that blog so hopefully all the inspirtation and ideas of this past week will be a good incentive to work harder on being more proactive in interacting with other scholars.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)