Although this seems like a bit of a strange idea, especially people like me who want to do their best in everything, some things are worth doing poorly. Firstly, by doing poorly a certain thing that is not all that important, it gives me time and energy to do something that is more important. And secondly, there are some things that are so important to do that even if i can´t do them well, it still ought to be done. A blog that Deb connected me to puts it well:
"As G. K. Chesterton once put it, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." Chesterton of all people was not interested in encouraging bad work. He knew though that the worst work is that which is not done at all and any work, done with heart, soul and prayer has the potential to be good work."
Quoted from the blog, Notes from a Hillside Farm .
and since i tend to be an overachiever, learning that some things are worth doing poorly has been a struggle but a rather significant step in my spiritual growth.
04 January 2007
01 January 2007
New Years in Amsterdam
about the best description for New Years in Amsterdam is loud. which one would expect from the thousands of people and hundreds of fireworks.
i greeted the New Year with the ´family´ here. we spent the evening playing games and chatting. and then at 11:30, we ended the old year with a chapel service. and hurried immediately afterward to the kitchen to get the champagne ready in the last few minutes before the countdown. after wishes of Happy New Year (gelukkig nieuwe jaar) with kisses and handshakes, we hurried outside for fireworks.
in anticipation of New Years, people have been practicing setting off fireworks for the last couple of days. so i was slightly prepared for the noise involved.
when we went outside for the fireworks, it was to join hundreds of others in the neighbourhood to set off our own fireworks. the light was phenomenally bright and the noise a bit deafening. but there is great joy in getting to watch people i know wave back and forth a blinding light, to watch a string of firecrackers go off where we usually park the van, and to see fireworks in the sky in every different direction.
and then we went out the back door to see the neighbours across the street/canal set off a whole series of fireworks from a barge. i was so close, i had to look directly up to see them. when they had finished we went for a walk in the neighbourhood to wish a few others Happy New Year and check out the excitement in Dam Square.
then clean-up and bedtime. and amidst the noise of at least a thousand people in the neighbourhood – and fireworks still going off at regular intervals, i fell asleep. which proves again that i really can sleep through anything
i greeted the New Year with the ´family´ here. we spent the evening playing games and chatting. and then at 11:30, we ended the old year with a chapel service. and hurried immediately afterward to the kitchen to get the champagne ready in the last few minutes before the countdown. after wishes of Happy New Year (gelukkig nieuwe jaar) with kisses and handshakes, we hurried outside for fireworks.
in anticipation of New Years, people have been practicing setting off fireworks for the last couple of days. so i was slightly prepared for the noise involved.
when we went outside for the fireworks, it was to join hundreds of others in the neighbourhood to set off our own fireworks. the light was phenomenally bright and the noise a bit deafening. but there is great joy in getting to watch people i know wave back and forth a blinding light, to watch a string of firecrackers go off where we usually park the van, and to see fireworks in the sky in every different direction.
and then we went out the back door to see the neighbours across the street/canal set off a whole series of fireworks from a barge. i was so close, i had to look directly up to see them. when they had finished we went for a walk in the neighbourhood to wish a few others Happy New Year and check out the excitement in Dam Square.
then clean-up and bedtime. and amidst the noise of at least a thousand people in the neighbourhood – and fireworks still going off at regular intervals, i fell asleep. which proves again that i really can sleep through anything
"Christmas camp"
Between Christmas and New Years, the house has been having Christmas camp. almost everybody is on vacation - and we´ve been doing extra things to celebrate. We´ve taken a break from cleaning (and my nose is starting to notice a smell coming from our overstuffed fridge which might need taking care of soon). We´ve rearranged the furniture to provide a cozy area for the people who live here. We´ve limited drop-in hours so that we can do extra activities and spend more time together. We´ve watched a couple of movies together. We´ve gone on excursions - so in the last week I´ve been to Den Haag, to the shipping museum, and to a large indoor swimming pool. I´ve played four rounds of Settlers of Catan. And it´s been fun overall.
Because I decided to stay in Amsterdam for the holidays, I volunteered to help out Zr Annemieke and Br Luc who are in charge of Christmas camp (it´s a lot of work for just two people). In a house like this, we have a number of different schedules (kitchen, cleaning, chapel, drop-in, etc.) - and most of the people completing those tasks were on vacation, so we were in charge of getting things done - like cooking, getting bread, getting breakfast and lunch ready, planning and leading chapels, holding reception for the drop-in centre, organizing excursions, etc. I´ve helped do that for a weekend, but a week is a bit different. i´m not sure i knew exactly what i was getting into when i volunteered!
one of the things that i´ve noticed this week is how much i like the freedom of doing what i want when i want. and having volunteered meant that i had less freedom this week - i was expected to be there for most of the events and be with others for much of the day. (although I was daily given time to spend by myself doing errands and having down-time. and if I had been overwhelmed by everything, I know that I would have been more than free to leave for a longer period of time.) that my time was not entirely my own and my choices not entirely my own (even if i had made the original choice to do this!) was good for me (even if i didn´t always like it). part of my being a Christian means giving up my freedom - and my wilfulness to do only what i want. giving up my freedom for this week is a very concrete reminder that all of my time is about doing God´s will - and that i´m not entitled to certain things.
and as i learned more and more to give over my will (and time) to God, i was blessed and encouraged. my family has banned the word sorry all week (i think because i say it all the time) - and i´m only supposed to communicate in Dutch (which i´ve cheated on a bit). and i led a chapel half in English and half in Dutch (the Dutch was mostly the order of service which is written down) - and was encouraged by others afterwards. i´ve seen how much work and energy and joy that Br Luc and Zr Annemieke have done this week - and i have been deeply appreciative and look forward to getting to learn more from both of them.i´ve been able to get to know everyone here a bit better - and look forward to spending more time with them. i saw and heard the appreciation when a group of us showed up at a mutual friend´s birthday party (i was reminded when i came back the next day with ollie bollen - about 30 balls of the 320 that had been donated to us - and we needed to get rid of!). i got to carve our donated turkey (which was dubbed the rolls-royce of turkeys) for dinner the other night since i get to do at my parent´s house. i danced with a two year old to Johnny Cash (whose music reminds me of my dad). and i have laughed and drank tea and learned better how to love people.
and about once a day, i look at the group of people i am with - and am deeply thankful that i get to be part of this crazy wonderful ´family.´
Because I decided to stay in Amsterdam for the holidays, I volunteered to help out Zr Annemieke and Br Luc who are in charge of Christmas camp (it´s a lot of work for just two people). In a house like this, we have a number of different schedules (kitchen, cleaning, chapel, drop-in, etc.) - and most of the people completing those tasks were on vacation, so we were in charge of getting things done - like cooking, getting bread, getting breakfast and lunch ready, planning and leading chapels, holding reception for the drop-in centre, organizing excursions, etc. I´ve helped do that for a weekend, but a week is a bit different. i´m not sure i knew exactly what i was getting into when i volunteered!
one of the things that i´ve noticed this week is how much i like the freedom of doing what i want when i want. and having volunteered meant that i had less freedom this week - i was expected to be there for most of the events and be with others for much of the day. (although I was daily given time to spend by myself doing errands and having down-time. and if I had been overwhelmed by everything, I know that I would have been more than free to leave for a longer period of time.) that my time was not entirely my own and my choices not entirely my own (even if i had made the original choice to do this!) was good for me (even if i didn´t always like it). part of my being a Christian means giving up my freedom - and my wilfulness to do only what i want. giving up my freedom for this week is a very concrete reminder that all of my time is about doing God´s will - and that i´m not entitled to certain things.
and as i learned more and more to give over my will (and time) to God, i was blessed and encouraged. my family has banned the word sorry all week (i think because i say it all the time) - and i´m only supposed to communicate in Dutch (which i´ve cheated on a bit). and i led a chapel half in English and half in Dutch (the Dutch was mostly the order of service which is written down) - and was encouraged by others afterwards. i´ve seen how much work and energy and joy that Br Luc and Zr Annemieke have done this week - and i have been deeply appreciative and look forward to getting to learn more from both of them.i´ve been able to get to know everyone here a bit better - and look forward to spending more time with them. i saw and heard the appreciation when a group of us showed up at a mutual friend´s birthday party (i was reminded when i came back the next day with ollie bollen - about 30 balls of the 320 that had been donated to us - and we needed to get rid of!). i got to carve our donated turkey (which was dubbed the rolls-royce of turkeys) for dinner the other night since i get to do at my parent´s house. i danced with a two year old to Johnny Cash (whose music reminds me of my dad). and i have laughed and drank tea and learned better how to love people.
and about once a day, i look at the group of people i am with - and am deeply thankful that i get to be part of this crazy wonderful ´family.´
27 December 2006
i´ve been published!
i´ve been published in the January edition of The Banner (the magazine of my church) concerning women in office. i was honoured to be asked and to get to share my thoughts. i hope that it might be a helpful addition to a somewhat difficult discussion in my church.
26 December 2006
Christmas in Amsterdam
every so often i have moments when i can´t quite really believe that i live in Amsterdam – and that i live in a house like the one you see in the pictures of here. and spending Christmas in Amsterdam feels a bit surreal.
for me, the weeks leading up to Christmas (i.e. Advent) were filled with a lot of longing for things to be different. i was homesick, wishing that i could share in the big events happening in my family´s life. the house/community was going through a bit of a difficult time living with each other. most of the volunteers were going away for Christmas. my Dutch is still poor enough that a lot has to be translated for me. in visiting Ukraine, i was reminded by how much of a struggle life there can be – and of the sadness of the church situation (and the resulting situation in my old school).
All of those events/memories mixed with the words and songs of Advent: the familiar passages of Isaiah and Luke, the songs in minor keys while speaking of hope and deliverance. Advent was time of being honest about the sadness of the broken world, while looking forward to things being different – looking forward to Christ coming again.
and then came Christmas Eve. and i got to celebrate it in the Oude Kerk – the same church i had been attending for most of Advent. and the church that had barely a hundred people in it on Sunday morning was packed with more than i could count. and as we participated in hearing and singing, the promise of Christ´s coming filled me. i had remembered the sadness/brokenness of the world around me for weeks. but now i remember that there is something greater than that sadness. as surely as Christ came to earth the first Christmas, He will surely come again and bring an end to the brokenness. so how can i not be overfilled with joy?
and the joy continued when i arrived back at the house around 11:30. the sign outside was being changed. we had hot chocolate and blue and white sprinkles on rusks (to celebrate the birth of a boy). we wished each other Merry Christmas. chatted about our church services and life in general. at 12:02 (the clock being a bit late in the common area), we sang happy birthday to Zr. Annemieke. and the joy of being with the family of God getting to celebrate the promise in Christ`s coming was the kind of joy that Christmas is made up of.
the next day (Christmas day) was a big breakfast, another church service, hearing the Christmas story (in half a dozen languages in honour of all of the languages present currently in the house). a restful afternoon of visiting people and going for a bike ride on relatively quiet streets. and then a phenomenal Christmas dinner for 32 with about eight courses – at least half a dozen people in the house had spent hours and hours on it. and the food was amazing – and there was laughter and fellowship. and it was good. but somehow the overwhelming joy and hope of the previous evening wasn´t quite as strong: it was harder to hold on to that hope while also loving family members who are struggling with belonging, with figuring out what to do with one´s life and who are thinking about other family members who don´t know the real joy of Christmas. and as much as this meal was amazing – and as much as i have the joy of knowing my ´family´ here and my family back home loves me, maybe i just missed helping out my sisters and mom in the kitchen back home – and our dinner table conversation mixed with laughter, people interrupting, and an inevitable discussion of some bodily function.
and on the second day of Christmas, i´ve taken some more time for quiet. i´ve been asked to look after the cats. and in so doing i think i´ve been given a bit of a Christmas present: full access for a week to an apartment/house with an out-of-tune piano, a bathtub (a rarity - only the third i´ve seen in four months!), a washing machine, and a television. so this morning started with reading e-mail, feeding the cats, taking a bath, playing some Christmas carols and then joining the house for a late breakfast. and the joy of Christmas has now settled into a quiet peacefulness. Jesus is come. He is the answer to the brokenness. how can my heart not sing for joy?
for me, the weeks leading up to Christmas (i.e. Advent) were filled with a lot of longing for things to be different. i was homesick, wishing that i could share in the big events happening in my family´s life. the house/community was going through a bit of a difficult time living with each other. most of the volunteers were going away for Christmas. my Dutch is still poor enough that a lot has to be translated for me. in visiting Ukraine, i was reminded by how much of a struggle life there can be – and of the sadness of the church situation (and the resulting situation in my old school).
All of those events/memories mixed with the words and songs of Advent: the familiar passages of Isaiah and Luke, the songs in minor keys while speaking of hope and deliverance. Advent was time of being honest about the sadness of the broken world, while looking forward to things being different – looking forward to Christ coming again.
and then came Christmas Eve. and i got to celebrate it in the Oude Kerk – the same church i had been attending for most of Advent. and the church that had barely a hundred people in it on Sunday morning was packed with more than i could count. and as we participated in hearing and singing, the promise of Christ´s coming filled me. i had remembered the sadness/brokenness of the world around me for weeks. but now i remember that there is something greater than that sadness. as surely as Christ came to earth the first Christmas, He will surely come again and bring an end to the brokenness. so how can i not be overfilled with joy?
and the joy continued when i arrived back at the house around 11:30. the sign outside was being changed. we had hot chocolate and blue and white sprinkles on rusks (to celebrate the birth of a boy). we wished each other Merry Christmas. chatted about our church services and life in general. at 12:02 (the clock being a bit late in the common area), we sang happy birthday to Zr. Annemieke. and the joy of being with the family of God getting to celebrate the promise in Christ`s coming was the kind of joy that Christmas is made up of.
the next day (Christmas day) was a big breakfast, another church service, hearing the Christmas story (in half a dozen languages in honour of all of the languages present currently in the house). a restful afternoon of visiting people and going for a bike ride on relatively quiet streets. and then a phenomenal Christmas dinner for 32 with about eight courses – at least half a dozen people in the house had spent hours and hours on it. and the food was amazing – and there was laughter and fellowship. and it was good. but somehow the overwhelming joy and hope of the previous evening wasn´t quite as strong: it was harder to hold on to that hope while also loving family members who are struggling with belonging, with figuring out what to do with one´s life and who are thinking about other family members who don´t know the real joy of Christmas. and as much as this meal was amazing – and as much as i have the joy of knowing my ´family´ here and my family back home loves me, maybe i just missed helping out my sisters and mom in the kitchen back home – and our dinner table conversation mixed with laughter, people interrupting, and an inevitable discussion of some bodily function.
and on the second day of Christmas, i´ve taken some more time for quiet. i´ve been asked to look after the cats. and in so doing i think i´ve been given a bit of a Christmas present: full access for a week to an apartment/house with an out-of-tune piano, a bathtub (a rarity - only the third i´ve seen in four months!), a washing machine, and a television. so this morning started with reading e-mail, feeding the cats, taking a bath, playing some Christmas carols and then joining the house for a late breakfast. and the joy of Christmas has now settled into a quiet peacefulness. Jesus is come. He is the answer to the brokenness. how can my heart not sing for joy?
loving others
one of the best definitions of love that i remember is given by a monk i know. he says We mistakenly think that others who profess to love God and follow Jesus will do so only in ways that we understand and approve. We wrongly expect people to show their love for God and neighbor by behaving only in ways with which we are comfortable and that buttress our own beliefs, rather than causing us to question our assumptions. The life of Jesus teaches us how wrong we are. Jesus upset almost everyone at some point, and yet he loved them all. His example teaches us how to truly love by seeing people as they are and accepting them as they are, while expecting them to grow, hoping and praying for their growth, and joyfully respecting their ultimate maturity as images of God--all unique, beautiful images different from each other but still images of the infinite God."
if you asked me if i loved somebody, i would certainly say yes, but putting the kind of selfless love into practice every day is kind of hard. sometimes i find it difficult to answer how i`ve actually shown that love – especially to people different than me.
people different than me tend to be interested in different things than me (which would stand to reason on account of us being different). it follows that i´m not as naturally excited about certain things as they are. nonetheless, responding to these things with “i don´t care” or “i´m not really interested” is neither tactful or loving (as my sisters pointed out to me). i don´t need to point out my lack of interest in the subject as my lack knowledge on the subject when i open my mouth makes this already blatantly obvious. however, if i love somebody i choose to be interested in something outside of my natural interests because this interest is part of who he/she is.
awhile ago, i was sitting listening to somebody talk about something or other (i have no idea what now), and the thought crossed my mind that i really don´t care about what they´re talking about. and then i realized, i don´t get to make the choice not to care. if i truly love this person, as i would say i want to do, then that means i care about the things that they are interested in. (and thus, i`d better adjust my attitude.)
during my two years of teaching in Ukraine i was shown a lot of what it meant to love people. i was loved as i was - for being from Canada, for laughing a lot, for asking why too often, and for being a bit disorganized. and as i was discovering my love for teaching – and discovering how that provided a completely new way for me to be who God has me to be, i was also getting to be loved for being a teacher. their love was shown not only in their tremendous hospitality to me (what i know about hospitality has been taught me by my mother first and by these Hungarians second), but also in their interest in me, their willingness to learn, and their acceptance of the fact that i wasn´t like their other teachers. and i couldn´t help but love them back, trying to do that as fiercely as they loved me (not having a lot of personal space or privacy in the school in Ukraine made loving a hands-on experience. but we had a lot in common so that made it a bit easier. life was hard in Ukraine – and it was hard for everyone. we needed each other and loving each other was a bit of a survival mechanism.)
when i returned to America, i tried to keep ahold of what they had taught me about loving people – but it was easier to do it abstractly as everyone tends to keep a bit more distance. and i could live my own life doing what i wanted when i wanted most of the time.
living in the community in Amsterdam, some of my freedom and distance disappeared. and it became obvious that i was better at abstractly loving people than doing so in every day life. and that i tended to focus on what interested me (including myself) instead of appreciating what others were interested in.
with visiting Ukraine, there was the hope that i would better remember that unconditional love i had received and learnt to give. to receive the kind of hospitality that does not let me pay for anything, that rearranges one´s schedule just to meet together for awile, and that changes one´s language. and even to bend those rules of hospitality a bit because i have become a bit less of a guest and more like family. and to feel loved by that.
i hope i remember well – and am willing to participate in the hard work of loving people in reality, even if and when they choose to care about things different than i would, or when they invade my space, or when understanding each other is difficult. and that i might be willing to be surprised and blessed by how God shows Himself in others.
if you asked me if i loved somebody, i would certainly say yes, but putting the kind of selfless love into practice every day is kind of hard. sometimes i find it difficult to answer how i`ve actually shown that love – especially to people different than me.
people different than me tend to be interested in different things than me (which would stand to reason on account of us being different). it follows that i´m not as naturally excited about certain things as they are. nonetheless, responding to these things with “i don´t care” or “i´m not really interested” is neither tactful or loving (as my sisters pointed out to me). i don´t need to point out my lack of interest in the subject as my lack knowledge on the subject when i open my mouth makes this already blatantly obvious. however, if i love somebody i choose to be interested in something outside of my natural interests because this interest is part of who he/she is.
awhile ago, i was sitting listening to somebody talk about something or other (i have no idea what now), and the thought crossed my mind that i really don´t care about what they´re talking about. and then i realized, i don´t get to make the choice not to care. if i truly love this person, as i would say i want to do, then that means i care about the things that they are interested in. (and thus, i`d better adjust my attitude.)
during my two years of teaching in Ukraine i was shown a lot of what it meant to love people. i was loved as i was - for being from Canada, for laughing a lot, for asking why too often, and for being a bit disorganized. and as i was discovering my love for teaching – and discovering how that provided a completely new way for me to be who God has me to be, i was also getting to be loved for being a teacher. their love was shown not only in their tremendous hospitality to me (what i know about hospitality has been taught me by my mother first and by these Hungarians second), but also in their interest in me, their willingness to learn, and their acceptance of the fact that i wasn´t like their other teachers. and i couldn´t help but love them back, trying to do that as fiercely as they loved me (not having a lot of personal space or privacy in the school in Ukraine made loving a hands-on experience. but we had a lot in common so that made it a bit easier. life was hard in Ukraine – and it was hard for everyone. we needed each other and loving each other was a bit of a survival mechanism.)
when i returned to America, i tried to keep ahold of what they had taught me about loving people – but it was easier to do it abstractly as everyone tends to keep a bit more distance. and i could live my own life doing what i wanted when i wanted most of the time.
living in the community in Amsterdam, some of my freedom and distance disappeared. and it became obvious that i was better at abstractly loving people than doing so in every day life. and that i tended to focus on what interested me (including myself) instead of appreciating what others were interested in.
with visiting Ukraine, there was the hope that i would better remember that unconditional love i had received and learnt to give. to receive the kind of hospitality that does not let me pay for anything, that rearranges one´s schedule just to meet together for awile, and that changes one´s language. and even to bend those rules of hospitality a bit because i have become a bit less of a guest and more like family. and to feel loved by that.
i hope i remember well – and am willing to participate in the hard work of loving people in reality, even if and when they choose to care about things different than i would, or when they invade my space, or when understanding each other is difficult. and that i might be willing to be surprised and blessed by how God shows Himself in others.
we made the papers!
n.b. the link in this is courtesy of Br. Luc´s scanning the article
last week, several journalists from Het Parool spent 24 hours visiting Oudezijds 100. the result was a 4 page article in Saturday`s paper (pages 1-2, pages 3-4). as the journalists arrived just as i was leaving for vacation, i didn`t make it into any of the pictures - but the pictures (and the article if you can read Dutch) give you a good idea of my regular life (and i made the holiday cooking schedule depicted there). and some day i´ll post a picture of one of us on our bikes coming home from the bakery carrying two bags of bread – the amount of bread needed to feed 20 people lunch and breakfast.
last week, several journalists from Het Parool spent 24 hours visiting Oudezijds 100. the result was a 4 page article in Saturday`s paper (pages 1-2, pages 3-4). as the journalists arrived just as i was leaving for vacation, i didn`t make it into any of the pictures - but the pictures (and the article if you can read Dutch) give you a good idea of my regular life (and i made the holiday cooking schedule depicted there). and some day i´ll post a picture of one of us on our bikes coming home from the bakery carrying two bags of bread – the amount of bread needed to feed 20 people lunch and breakfast.
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