Mourning

This week marks the beginning of the new season for the community. It has meant the return of all the core community members that were on vacation - a joyful and lively arrival. Unfortunately, their arrival has also meant the leaving of a couple from the core community, who had been staying on to cover things while most of the other community members were on vacation. And so, as much as I am thankful for the arrival of those who had been gone, I find it hard not to link their arrival with the going away of people I know I will miss. Despite expecting this leaving for months now, having seen some of the brokenness that led up to the decision to leave, and even truly believing that their leaving is for the best, I am still saddened by the real-ness of it. There was a brief month in the middle of the almost leaving when I got to enjoy their company and be community together with them - and simply show up for chapel knowing that the other would be there and most likely available to drink tea or coffee afterwards. And now that brief month is over - and I am thankful for it, even though it means I have been reminded more of what is being lost.

And I'm not sure exactly how to mourn, nor how to participate in the joyful return of the community members whose presence makes things different simply by being here - and who didn't share that last month.

So I am simply going to chapel and otherwise cacooning in my house as much as possible. I've attached myself to my computer - it is high time that I get my act together and write some stuff on Ezekiel. And the forcing myself to work hard and concentrate fully on something I enjoy and flourish in is good for me, and if I work hard enough on it, it will bring on a good weariness and a joyful feeling of accomplishment. And hopefully after a week, I will be more able to participate in the rest of life in community, being able to mourn well while also hoping and delighting in all the new possibilities and upcoming challenges.