trying to believe in miracles

i believe in a powerful God who can (and does) do miracles here and now. at least, i believe that in my head. my heart's not always so good at believing it – or living like i believe it. it's just so easy to be cynical when i know there are so many things that can go wrong - i know how selfish and slow to learn i am (and how much i mope when i don't get what i want) – and i know how much people move away from God and do what they want, making a lot of bad decisions.

as i've been thinking about certain people and certain situations and dwelling on the impossibility of it all, the question of whether i believe in miracles pops into my head. perhaps it's because i figure that only a miracle can fix the situation :) or perhaps it's God's gentle reminder not to give up hope - and to remember that God is making impossible things possible.

and when i have reminders of God working miracles, even incomplete ones, it helps me to hope more. and last week, one of those incomplete miracles walked through our door. a regular homeless visitor dropped in - because it's summer we weren't really open, but i knew her and figured she had to use the bathroom, so i let her in. but what she really wanted was a cup of tea - and people to share her news with.

she was just bursting to share her news. she was pregnant and thrilled about it. and she'd been clean from drugs for two weeks - since she'd heard she was pregnant. and she had a place to live and she was obviously nesting. and the four of us sitting there also drinking tea were a bit surprised by it all. surprised by how much she wanted to share her news. surprised by how present she was, since we almost always saw her high. and surprised by how thrilled she was.

and the moment she came in, bursting with pride and hope and joy, that was already a miracle. and i hope and pray for more of one - that she will stay clean - and that she'll be able to develop a good relationship with her little baby - and develop a better relationship with her older children (who we discovered her mother takes care of - another small miracle - that this women throughout her time of being hooked on drugs could still have some relationship with children while also having had someone to take good care of them).

i want to believe that miracles can happen - it's a way of fighting against the despair and the cynicism. it's a way of hoping and trusting in God. and i'm trying to keep my eyes open to the quiet miracles happening all around me and believe that God is present in making impossible things slowly possible.