still surprised that God is good

i have many, many good memories of the last year and a half (and from before that, too). and i am convinced that God's hand was involved in this. i know in my head that God has been good to me in the past; yet, despite knowing deep inside that God is good, i continue to be surprised when i recognize how God has been good to me.

perhaps it is the fact that i am surrounded by a world where sin and brokenness can not be easily hidden or ignored. perhaps it is the fact that there's a lot of pain and frustration involved in growing and being who God has created me/us to be. perhaps it is simply the dull-ness that comes from the ordinary - the kazillions of chores and details necessary just to participate in life.

but despite (and maybe even because of) all these things, there are moments when i am filled with intense joy and thankfulness. and i wonder how i could not recognize the goodness of God in my life?!? after all, i get to delight in biking through a park in Amsterdam on a Sunday afternoon. i've been accepted by so many people, even and especially when i mess up. i continue to bump into new friendships and am given more and more people who love me (and who i love). and none of these things are really new to here and now, so it's not logical that i'm surprised. but the surprise reminds me that i do not deserve God's grace; yet, nonetheless, i receive his grace and goodness. and his grace and goodness are so great that it is good that i be struck with a sense of wonder and astonishment :)