at least i can pray

some days and in some situations, the best i feel that i can and have done is pray.

i really want to serve God in all that i do - and how i spend my time. some days i do a great job of doing my work, of paying attention to those around me, and of resting in God doing something good to give me energy to participate more fully in the world around me. and some days, i do a lousy job of using my time and i feel like a disappointment. and in those days, i take greater comfort in knowing that even if i have felt that i have done little today, at least i could pray.

and sometimes in certain situations, i am overwhelmed at the impossibility of anything changing. there are so many complicated issues involved and so much brokenness. and my efforts to do something to help or change things are ignored or useless. and in those situations, i take comfort in knowing that at least i can pray.

there are different justifications and explanations for why we should pray. some say that prayer changes things because it changes the one praying. some believe that things won't happen unless we pray. some believe that prayer is our way of participating in the work that God's doing.

i know for certain that there is something subversive about prayer – when i pray, i speak to one i can not see nor whose existence i can prove without a shadow of a doubt. when i pray, i am acknowledging that neither i nor the world is how it ought to be – and i ask for it to be different. better. more holy, while also receiving grace for how i have not been part of the ought to be.

but without always knowing why i pray nor what effects my prayer has, i can still pray. i pray simply because God says pray. so when i join in prayer, i don't doubt that by raising my voice and bringing before God the ones that I love (and/or know i ought to love more) that i am being faithful – even if some days it feels like the rest of the time i have done a lousy job at being faithful. and that even when i am feeling absolutely helpless in a situation, at least i can pray. and sometimes the unlikely and even impossible happens.