waiting/ processing

i haven’t written much lately. it’s as if i’m waiting for something – except i’m not sure exactly what. perhaps it is processing everything that’s been going on:
- spending 2 weeks with old friends and although we’ve grown separately, striving to let this make our friendship stronger.
- my Calvin Sem thesis not getting approved.
- sorting out how to work on and eventually finish my thesis here at the Vrije Universiteit.
- getting ready to say good-bye to Amsterdam for awhile.
- realizing that i’ve distanced myself a bit from the community here and being disappointed with that.
- struggling with Dutch – and feeling like i can’t quite fully participate.
- welcoming old friends again today (Deb and Kristin – who i’d gone to New York with less summer).

having written all that, i guess it’s not surprising that i don’t have much to say. nor is it surprising that i’m not all that interested in having crazy new adventures to add to the pile of things to process (on Monday, i had a relatively quiet Queen’s Day (Koningen Dag) here. i stayed home most of the time - watching the orange-coloured hordes passing by from the porch amidst the not so melodious sound of the house music booming out from the cafe across the street – and choosing to stay away from the several hundred thousands who wandered through the flea market less than a km west of my house).

i haven’t really processed any the things above – and as all of it is bouncing around in my head, an attempt to let it out would probably resemble a splatter more than anything else. i think thursday would be an example of the splatter.

i managed to help Dave and Crystle to the airport on time (although we did miss the earlier train). and i managed to function relatively well during class – reading and translating Hebrew in a proficient enough manner. and (i think) i had a good chat with Br Luc. it’s only ‘think’ because i really don’t think my brain was all that present for most of the day. the following is proof of my absent-mindedness:
- i got lost biking to school (my attempt to bike around the construction became a rather long detour with me having to consult a map several times).
- i forgot my lunch.
- i stood in front of the (new) photocopier for ten minutes trying to figure out how it worked (it was lacking the instructions like the old one had). someone eventually showed me what to do. the irony is that the buttons you had to press on the machine are actually in English.
- having actually got the machine to print, my copy card ended up being unusable – and got stuck in the machine. they had to call in someone from the bottom floor to remove it for me.
- i fell of my bike on the way home. at a light, i was stopping and putting my foot down on the curb – and missed the curb – the subsequent loss of balance knocked me off my bike unto the curb. as usual, there were half a dozen other bikes around me with a perfect view. never mind the cars and pedestrians.
- also on the way home, the string from my coat got caught in my bike’s back wheel. i did manage to pull it out before i had an accident – but it took me ten minutes – and i only managed not to be late for supper because the cooks were late.
- i had to put something in someone’s mailbox before leaving the house. i almost forgot several times but managed to pick it up before leaving. but at school i had no idea if i’d actually put it in the mailbox. i didn’t still have it – and i remembered looking at the mailboxes (cause i’d noticed somebody hadn’t picked up their mail for awhile) but distinctly did not remember putting it in the right box. turns out i’d put it in my own box. fortunately, the person returned something to me and found what she needed in my box.

i finally had several cups of coffee (to send my brain some caffeine to help it function) and still went to bed early. and i couldn’t help thinking that if absent-minded-ness indicates (academic) intelligence, then i must be brilliant.

or maybe my brain was just busy processing :) hopefully i can learn to do so while also being slightly more present in every day life. . .