how to get a date worth keeping

such is the name of a book published by Zondervan that I read last year - and was surprised at how much i appreciated it. even if it was on the subject of dating. being single, dating is a bit of a sore subject. yet this book was less about finding a spouse and more about becoming healthier in one's relationships with the opposite sex. and it had a lot to say about being open to others. and it encouraged dating. dating lots of different people. for fun. with little commitment.

but i live in a culture where dating is considered somewhat the equivalent of a necessary evil to get to the being married phase of one's life. thus, even though i spend a lot of time with the opposite sex, even a significant number that are single, dating doesn't really seem like an option.

the author of the book says that this taboo on dating 'for fun' is generally unhealthy. i think i agree. so i finally got around to getting the nerve to ask out a guy (outside of the Seminary community, which took some time to find:)). and i thought i came off as nonchalant about it, gracious, and overall with the 'let's hang out, be friends, and no, i'm not ever interested in stalking you' impression. well, maybe my timing was bad, but he seemed a bit more traumatized by the possibility of it than he should have been. ah well. though it does make me a little less likely to try again.

the book says that one of the challenges that we single folk face is that we never meet new people. and i'd once again have to agree. so in the last while i've tried to go out and meet new people (okay, maybe not as actively as i could have, but as i dislike being hit on by (near)-drunken folk and didn't want to go through the effort of joining a dating service and my friends haven't gotten the hint that i'm perfectly willing to be set up on blind dates, that rules out the more obvious options for meeting people i could potentially date). yet, i've discovered that monasteries (!!) are potential places to meet people...

last summer Deb and I went to a monastery (Orthodox). When I tell people, Deb got picked up at a monstery, i usually get a few looks - especially as we'd spent a lot of time in church that weekend. Little did we realize that there was a parish connected to the church. I left early, and Deb stayed to have lunch. When she sat down at a table for lunch she was joined by the single males of the parish. well, after a walk around the grounds and some chivalrous help with her bags, Deb was the recipient of some serious male attention for the next little while. [and i had a great story to tell friends]

this past weekend, i was visiting a monastery (Anglican). at coffee time one day, i ignored the beer conversation and struck up a conversation with one of the other guests. it was a fairly standard first conversation about random topics, with a bit of poking fun at ourselves and each other mixed in. we ended up talking more that evening. and the comfortability of our conversation continued. more teasing, laughter, some learning from each other, and a bit of flirting. then my friends came, and he said good night. we bumped into each other the next day, but didn't really talk much.

so what do i make of it? not sure. which is why i'm writing this. and trying to sort out why a harmless conversation and flirting has stuck with me so much and felt so different from my ordinary life.

another conversation later, we'd probably have made plans to get together sometime in town. and i expect to continue to have enjoyed talking with him: discovering what we agreed upon and being challenged to see the world slightly differently.

and it was so nice to be able to engage in some harmless flirting and talk about something other than school for awhile.
it was nice to be appreciated for something other than my ability to do school well.
and when so often my being female is seen as a challenge or anomaly, it was nice to have my female-ness noticed and appreciated for a change (and have it noticed even when i was in grubby clothes, with glasses on and pig tails in my hair)

so, even as i much i have appreciated my time at Seminary, i guess i wish i had more space to be female. to see the world a bit differently. to be incompetent sometimes. to not really care if i have the right answer or the explanation. to be okay with postmodernity because it gives me a bit more space to feel and be intuitive and to care more about loving our neighbour than having the right answer. to be un-serious and flirty at times. and to do all that while still loving God and wanting to learn more about Him and how better to serve Him.

And there have been moments like that at Seminary (as I've become more comfortable here, they have increased), but I just wish there were more.