growing up, I learned that God did not have grandchildren. that means that i don't get saved just because my parents believe. i have to make my faith my own. and there is much truth to this.
and yet there are also times when i rest in the knowledge that my faith is not my own. faith is a living, breathing thing, done by a body of believers. i go to church and chapel and pray not because i always want to or believe what I ought to, but because these things happen to be the more obvious ways of my opening my soul up to be able to meet God. and sometimes I am delightfully surprised by Him.
as I participated in the Lord's Supper at a monastery, i was struck by the assurance that I didn't have to have all the answers for how and why i believe. the prayers would go on without me. the church will do quite well without my assistance. i am nobody. and yet i am still invited to sit at God's table, to eat and drink faith.
i'm not sure why this has come up now. i guess it's proof that i don't have all the answers :)
i tend to be one of those people who doesn't really doubt. some days i know within my being that God is. some days are overshadowed by the disconcertion that the world is not how it ought to be - and i desparately wish it weren't that way and don't know how to live with it. and some days are just the ordinary 'get your work done and try to be faithful' kind. and other days i wake up overjoyed. just because. i figure it's all normal. even though my feelings and thoughts about the day and my faith fluctuate like the weather in West Michigan, God doesn't. the faith of the church doesn't. we, the body of Christ, carry the faith of God together. And God has promised to protect, preserve, and uphold His church.
as a body it's okay, if one part is hurting, for the church to nurse that back to health (hop along on one leg for awhile) until the body is restored again.
and so i rest in that comfort. and know i never have to worry about losing my faith. for i am surrounded by others will help me in the journey and will even carry my faith for me when i don't know.
and maybe i can carry the faith awhile for those i love. even as i pray and hope that they will be able to hold onto it themselves.
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