Patience and Presence

As I expect is true of most toddlers, our little seems to be inherently good at dawdling. It often feels like one either has to wait a significant amount of time or push and prod before she'll get things done. I find my 'pushing and prodding' self not always the most pleasant person to be around, so I lean towards waiting patiently. After all, it's not like a two-year-old really has that much that she needs to be on time for, so why can't we do things slowly? The challenge, though, is that I find it hard to wait patiently. I find it easy to waste time on my own but find it hard to be patient when it feels like someone else - even if she's being cute about it - is wasting my time.

MaryAnn McKibben Dana in her book, Sabbath in the Suburbs, has challenged me to continue to practice waiting. While there may be days and reasons for me to hurry the little one along, there is something good in saying yes to going at the little's tempo. It helps me see time differently: less as something to be conquered and more as something to be savored. McKibben Dana specifically talks about her own experience of saying yes to her children as part of practicing Sabbath:

"The experience is simultaneously tiring and gratifying. . . But the kids’ joy at being heard and responded to is contagious, and rather than take advantage of our agreeableness, they are more agreeable in return. Once a week we can ‘yes-and’ our children. Rather than be confused by this seeming lack of consistency, they get that Sabbath is a different kind of day with different rules and rhythms. Saying yes on Sabbath means that they accept our no’s on other days more easily. Sabbath also becomes a laboratory for the rest of the week, as we realize that we could probably say yes more than we do.” McKibben-Dana, Sabbath in the Suburbs, 95.

Most of all, I want to learn to wait patiently for the little as a practice of being present with her. Perhaps sometimes this means waiting with a book in hand or writing in my journal, or even tidying up, as a way of taking into account my own inherent desire to be productive, while still being present with her. Other times, it will involve paying more attention to her, delighting in who she is and being more fully available to her. Perhaps ordinary time will involve more of the former and Sabbath will hopefully be more of the latter, but, most of all, I want to practice "showing up and making myself available. . . I seek to be present with my kids, not because every moment will feel holy and blessed but because holy and blessed moments don’t happen unless I am present.” McKibben-Dane, Sabbath in the Suburbs, 39.