12 August 2014


I have made it to Lansing and am slowly transitioning (back) into this place and my role as campus pastor. The visas are in, stuff with moving has been fairly finalized, including a lot of sorting and giving away, the plane tickets have been bought, and I have found a new house that I'm happy with (here's hoping and praying that they are happy with us). And I've connected with the Campus Edge group and the church, reawakening my hopes and prayers for this place and helping me once again find my role here.

Simply being in Lansing makes the transition feel easier, if only because it is easier to acknowledge the empty place in my heart that used to be filled by my life in Amsterdam. I was glad for my time this last while in Amsterdam - I got to be with Matthijs, the community, and friends, and I could enjoy life in a European city. Yet, at the same time, I was trying to deal with the empty place left by leaving, an emptiness that I was not anticipating so much as I had already begun to know. And the sadness of leaving crossed paths with my desire to build up a new life in Lansing, and there was not enough room for both to co-exist well. So in the midst of processing and grieving the changes (or trying to avoid doing either), I feel like I did not always function well nor did I always know how to acknowledge to others how much I would miss that life surrounded by so many I cared about. It is not that I worry that I will lose touch with those I care about, it is more that I am saddened that I can no longer delight in/with and appreciate those folks with the same ease and regularity as I used to.

But I also know that part of the transition is focusing on the joy and wonder of going to a new place. It's about learning to delight in the adventure of it all (like learning to walk a cat), dreaming about a space to live where we can (once again) practice hospitality, developing new relationships, and being stretched by all the challenges. It is hard but good, and I am thankful for how well the transitioning has generally gone.

1 comment:

Theo said...

The grief process may take a long time. Do not be surprised. Those feelings are very real..