being taken care of

last weekend my computer suddenly died - and wouldn't start up again. as so much of my life is connected to a computer, i was a bit lost without it. and yet, i didn't feel the panic/distress that i would expect with its possible demise. perhaps it's because i knew it's still under warranty. perhaps it's because i've lived through more than one computer breakdown in the past year and a half. perhaps it's because i knew on monday i could borrow a computer from work while i figured out what was wrong. perhaps it's because i suspected the problem was only the power supply. perhaps it's because i actually have a bit of money in the bank and can monetarily afford such a problem.

but i think i'd rather explain my lack of panic/distress as being that i am starting to believe that God really will take care of me (and all of the reasons above might just be part of how He does that). and i know things will be okay. certainly i shouldn't be careless or lackadaisical about my life - and i definitely ought to be listening closely to what God might be nudging me to say or do. but i do not have to fear what might happen - or be overwhelmed by what does happen.

this past while, i've been blessed with a lot of reminders of God taking care of me:
- a scholarship of a couple of thousand dollars just to affirm what i am studying
- the teaching job i'm currently in where i know people went out of their way to help me teach - and i know people want me to do well - both my colleagues - and the students who wish to learn
- being able to rent/borrow a car for a significant amount of time with very little cost
- having help putting my bike on the road, so i might get to enjoy the beautiful weather - and get to exercise tons - and have a valid excuse to eat whatever i want :)
- having friends who invite me to do things socially and who just listen - not only to the words i say, but to the things i don't yet have words for - especially as i grow through the sadness and feeling lost that comes when a dating relationship ends
- a crazy community in Amsterdam (who i found on the internet, which still makes me smile) where i have found a place
- being close enough to visit family and friends - and participate in major events in their lives
- a likely job next year doing research related to my ph.d.
- discovering a community here in Grand Rapids that's similar to the community in Amsterdam - Stockbridge Boiler Room - and getting to meet someone from there and looking forward to seeing how this place continues to develop
- a place to live temporarily - where there is not only never a complaint about my nasty habit of leaving my stuff around everywhere but also the joy of getting to complain about my day - and have somebody around to ask about their day
- living with a cat who comes into my room in the morning, talks to (at?) me, and then crawls into bed and purrs next to my alarm clock as i pray and get ready to meet the day
- knowing that i am remembered in prayer by the community in Amsterdam.

and after all those reminders that i am being taken care of, it should finally sink into my whole being that God really does take care of me. and it also gives me the hope and desire that i might be used by God to be part of how He shows others that they, too, are cared for.