dating amidst community

i've been dating one of the guys from the community here for a few months now. and the experience of dating in a community where we are surrounded by people who know us well has had its moments...

neither of us had any desire to keep our dating a secret from the community. and we assumed that people would figure out that we were dating fairly quickly. sure, we had been friends for the last year, but daniël and i could now be found together often enough that we assumed people would start to wonder. but time passed, we spent a lot of time hanging out with others (including a weekend away with most of the community), and yet still no one asked or teased us.

slowly people found out. a good friend of daniël's was suspicious when daniël was more interested in a text message (sms) that he received than in his friend's company. a couple of people saw us together often enough. we told a few people. and even if people hadn't noticed that we were dating, some had noticed that we were both a bit different: daniël had become more cheerful; and i had become more thoughtful and contemplative (sometimes i tease him that he got the better deal in this relationship :)). and it was good to hear and see people's reactions - and to know that they were happy for us - and wanted the best for us.

nonetheless, it remained a source of amusement for me to see how long it would take before everybody realised we were dating. a few weeks ago, a bunch of us were sitting around in the kajuit (our common living space), and i gave a fake kiss of appreciation to one of the guys here (on account of his help with the kitchen). one of the community members teased me that this was not so romantic. i responded by saying, well, of course not, i have a boyfriend. she didn't believe me at first. but nobody else in the room seemed surprised by my comment. so she checked with them to see if i really was telling the truth, and she discovered i was. and then she had to figure out who it was (and as we were all laughing at her and her astonishment, none of us helped her). she was happy to find out, although astounded that she hadn't suspected anything - and declared that she was going to talk to the other community members (and their families) to see who'd been keeping the secret from her. and well, now we're pretty sure that almost everybody knows.

and one of the best parts about dating amidst community is being surrounded by people who care about both daniël and i - and pray and hope for the best for both of us. sometimes it's a bit overwhelming to know that all these people are watching out for us (and won't always respect our privacy). but privacy is sometimes overrated. i know that we are surrounded by people who know us well - and are willing to speak up if they are worried that our relationship is poor or causing either of us to change being who we are - and who God made us to be.

we're not sure where this relationship is going. neither daniël or i knows what's next in our lives. i don't know if we'll be able to continue to work through the different expectations we have of each other and of what a relationship should be. and whether our different understandings of how to see the world will bring us to different visions of how we can best live out our lives. but for now, the relationship is good. for, as my friend (Judith) says, it brings life to both of us.