Fragments

Probably the best description of the time i've spent in North America these last couple of months is fragmented. My summer has consisted of connecting with a lot of different people – and spending a lot of time in different places, and having a lot of different experiences. these experiences have been generally a blessing. I have loved being able to connect with different people and join people in their every-day life. but all the experiences and changes have left me feeling somewhat disordered. I have had a hard time ordering all these fragments of experiences together – and finding a way to sort through all of my thoughts and get work done for my studies.

i had always thought that i never needed a lot of structure in my life (and that i thrived on interruptions and fragments). this summer has proved that this to be both true and untrue. the fragments have been great for getting different perspectives on things and getting new ideas. the fragments have not been so great for writing a thesis. as much as i can read anywhere – and even study from books in most places, i now realize that i cannot, however, write anywhere. reading is something i love and do naturally. writing is not. as such, i'm once again (still?) behind in my studies. and i'm disappointed about that.

And i am learning. learning more about me and how i do things well. learning what i can expect of myself (like for trips i should be doing a lot more reading than writing). learning how to create structure to be able to do work and remain in contact with others (purchasing a laptop has helped). the hope is that as i continue to live a life that is filled with many different fragments that this is more of a blessing than a hindrance to my being able to serve God in my whole life – studies, relationships, and everything in between. i don't really want to give up the opportunity to be in different places and have different experiences. such opportunities allow me to be challenged by people from different countries and by those who've had different experiences than me – who open my eyes to seeing things about the world around me and myself that i would most likely miss if i stayed in one place. and moving around lets me get to be present with others in their everyday lives – and since so much of showing love is a willingness to be with someone, i don't want to give up these chances to spend ordinary time with people.

for now, though, i still have many fragments of thoughts to continue to sort through – hopefully some of which i'll share sooner rather than later.