Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts

10 February 2021

Learning to live with myself - and accepting grace

Last week Friday I managed to get my email inbox down to 13 emails, which seems like a success. It's been months since my inbox has been so low, what with the chaos of starting a new job, moving, and the general challenges of life during a pandemic. Getting my inbox down to a manageable level gives me the sense of control over my life. Yet, the control was a bit of an illusion, as I'd been using my inbox as a good excuse to not work on writing my sermon. 

When I was in college, my house was always cleanest around exam time. By doing something else good, I could make myself feel better about not doing what I actually should be doing. One would hope, twenty years later, that I should be beyond that. In reality, I've simply shifted around what needs doing and the 'good' thing that I can do to avoid that.

I feel like learning to come to terms with ourselves - all of our quirks and needs, talents and skills - is something that we continue to struggle with, even as we grow older and hopefully wiser. This past week this struggle came out when faced with the daunting task of wrestling with a text and wondering what the Spirit would have me say. Is working through my email a good thing, something I can do to get an illusion of control, a sense of accomplishment, or even some tiredness so that I no longer fight to avoid doing what I really ought to be doing? Yes. no. maybe. It all depends on the day. 

As I get older, I can recognize that I can either choose to be frequently frustrated with who I am and how I act, or I can choose God's grace. 
Grace to accept who I am and my difficulties to stay on task. 
Grace to accept how much I like being in control and feeling productive (and that this is ultimately an illusion). 
Grace to see what I do as sin and name it as such - so that I can stop trying to fix myself on my own but accept my need for the Spirit to show up and work in and despite me. 

As I learn to accept myself and accept grace in the middle of that, it also allows me to rejoice more easily in the good that comes out of who I am, including my tendency to procrastination. Like being thankful for getting through emails I was behind on (and thanks, too, that the sermon did get done). And I can be delighted by how the Spirit shows up in surprising ways, like how I read last week's reflection from First CRC when I was trying to figure out how I was going to be present at our ministry's silent retreat while also being present for my small daughter. The email showed me a way that I could be creative and delight in both the nature surrounding my new house and in my daughter's joy in doing an art project with me. The results, including the joyful daughter, are in the picture below.


25 August 2020

2 Kings 5 - when God shows up

The following is a sermon preached at Campus Chapel in Ann Arbor on August 25. The sermon is less exegetical and more of an interaction with the text of 2 Kings 5. It started with a rumination on 2 Kings 5:13 (“But his servants approached and said to him, “Father, if the prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done it? How much more, when all he said to you was, ‘Wash, and be clean’?””) and then moved gradually into exploring how God enters into our lives.


If we were asked to do something hard,

I think most of us would do it with conviction.

Especially if it meant saving someone’s life.

Yet, when this all started back in March,

we were asked to wash our hands umpteen times a day.

Singing a song so we would wash long enough.

And then we were told to stay home to stay safe.

Where are the heroics in that?

It seemed so little.

And even almost cowardly.

As if we were afraid of illness and death.

 

At first, it seemed so little,

And so I didn’t understand why I chafed,

Why was I protesting so strongly?

Why do I want to turn away in anger, like Naaman in 2 Kings 5?

If I had been commanded something difficult,

would I not have done it?

How much more then, when only this little is being asked of me?

Wash, be clean, keep others clean.

 

And then the protests started.

Protesting masks. Protesting injustice.

And I understood that the words, wash and be clean.

Actually meant so much more:

Wash away your ideas of control

Let go of your life as it used to be.

 

For Naaman, the command was an invitation.

Humble yourself,

wash yourself in the river of this other country,

follow the strange commands of this prophet and his God.

Let go of your life as it used to be.

Recognize that all your best efforts cannot save you.

God alone does the impossible.

 

And we, we are invited to wash our hands,

Let go of our plans.

Recognize how little control we have over the future.

Deny ourselves

Trusting that God can use our small efforts to save lives.

 

Be baptized by the water

That washed away our sins

And also washes away our good desires

That sometimes grow

As unhealthy as the disease that covered Naaman’s skin.

 

Naaman returns to the prophet healed.

Deeply thankful,

ready to make a great sacrifice.

Except he is not allowed to pay for the gift he received.

A reminder again

that no matter how mighty we are

God does not need our help.

 

But instead God invites us to keep asking.

On top of the healing,

Naaman asks for dirt.

Something to take with him

So that he can serve the God of Israel

While not needing to give up everything in his life.

An ancient prototype of technology, you could say

Allowing Naaman to remain with those he cared about.

While continuing to be reminded of God’s gift

And so live in thankfulness for the gift he received.

Our gifts today are internet and zoom,

Social distancing and masks,

Keeping us connected to those we love

Allowing us to keep coming together.

As we live into the rearrangement of our lives

That began with a focus on washing our hands.

 

And as hard as this time has been,

The story of Naaman speaks

to how God enters into our lives.

Challenging and shaping us.

Inviting us to wash ourselves

Opening ourselves up to God cleansing

And healing us.

 

Naaman’s cleansing began with a stranger.

A foreign captive in Naaman’s house.

Who spoke up and was heard

Who brought words of hope

A promise of the impossible.

 

In a time when distancing makes helping hard

When every other person I interact with

could be a potential threat

And even those I love

Are disrupting the order of my life.

How does one keep loving and listening?

When I’ve spent so much of the last months

With barely enough energy left over,

How do I care for those who are part of my communities?

my next door neighbors?

Let alone the foreigner and stranger

All the potential threats.

 

How do I not become contaminated by this illness

that spreads through being connected?

How does my physical distance

Not become emotional and spiritual distance?

 

How do I not become like the king who tore his robes:

How dare you expect me to do something?

I cannot heal others.

But to ask that is to blind myself to the truth

That God is the one who heals.

God who has entered into our lives.

God among us - Immanuel

Jesus who healed so many during his time on earth

And then conquered death

Before returning where he reigns on high

God the Spirit who is with us

This God is the one who heals.

This God can do the impossible:

This God can renew our earth and climate;

Heal the polarization in this land

Enact changes to end structural racism.

 

And this same God invites us,

Like the servant girl,

To be part of that healing.

Not because our efforts will change the world.

But because sometimes,

Like the servant girl,

our words are heard.

And we become part of God’s

Entering into the world.

The servant girl spoke.

Naaman listened.

Elisha intervened.

God acted.

And so the impossible happened.

 

But, oh we so want to claim

That it was our voice that changed things.

Or get some kind of reward

For what we have done.

Or perhaps simply we are tired

And just want something to make life a little easier.

 

What was Gehazi thinking?

The request –

The slight distortion of truth

Just 2 sets of clothes

And some silver

How could that be a big deal?

 

As a child, I couldn’t believe Gehazi’s greed!

How dare he!

And as an adult,

I see in him myself.

That longing to be rewarded

For all that I have done.

To be compensated

For that all I have given up. 

 

And God enters the story here,

Just not perhaps the way we’d like.

Elisha confronts Gehazi.

And Gehazi is punished harshly.

Probably not so much for his greed

As for how he has distorted God’s image.

What picture of God is shown

When Naaman is able to ‘pay’ for his miracle

When instead of radical grace

His healing has shifted into a transaction

Especially if that transaction comes from Gehazi’s desire

To take advantage of their enemies.

Instead of trusting that God does provide.

And so God enters anew into Gehazi’s life

Through sickness

And what has often felt, to me,

a harsh punishment.

 

But Gehazi’s story does not end here

He shows up again in chapter 8

In the courts of the king, of all places!

He is advocating for the Shunammite woman.

Reminding the king of Elisha’s great deeds

Of raising her dead boy to life again

While also advocating that the king

Give back to the Shunammite woman

The land that she had left

And, even more, giving her back all the income

That her land produced in the time she was gone.

Radical provision.

A story of God providing

 

And so I wonder,

if the story might have more grace than we first might see.

If God’s interruption of Gehazi’s life

Was a catalyst for something new.

Something good.

 

Being open for God’s intervention

Washing ourselves in the Jordan.

It sounds simple.

Yet, just like with Naaman, it asks so much more of us.

It sounds like nothing heroic,

Except to speak up with courage when needed

and allow God to throw our whole lives into chaos

Rearrange our schedules again and again.          

Confronted by how little control we have,

And invited to offer our whole lives up to God.

 

This invitation, as hard as it is, is also a gift.

Let go of our efforts.

Trust in those of God.

And perhaps we will,

just like in the stories of Elijah and Elisha,

Be a witness to God showing up.

Be a witness to the impossible.

 

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit Amen.

08 April 2020

2 Kings 5 in the time of COVID-19

When I started washing my hands so much that they dried out for the first time in my life, I started pondering 2 Kings 5, especially v. 13 where Naaman's "servants approached and said to him, “Father, if the prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done it? How much more, when all he said to you was, ‘Wash, and be clean’?”” 

The following are some of my thoughts: 

If I had been asked to do something hard,
I would have done it with conviction.
Especially if it meant saving someone’s life.
Luther argues that we are not to flee from plague.
We, especially us in ministry, are to ‘remain steadfast before the peril of death.’
Tending the sick would be like tending Christ himself. 

But instead I am asked to wash my hands again and again.
Singing some silly song so I do it long enough.
And to stay home and stay away from other people.
Where are the heroics in that?
It seems so little.
And even almost cowardly.
As if I’m afraid of illness and death.

Yet if it’s so little,
Why do I chafe under these requirements?
Why do I protest against it so strongly?
Why do I want to turn away in anger, like Naaman in 2 Kings 5?
If I had been commanded something difficult, would I have not done it?
How much more then, when only this little is being asked of me?
Wash, be clean, keep others clean.

Wash and be clean.
Rearrange the way you look at the world.
For Naaman, the command was an invitation.
Humble yourself,
wash yourself in the dirty river of this other country,
follow the seemingly arbitrary commands of this prophet and his God.
Recognize that all your best efforts cannot save you.
God alone does the impossible.

Wash your hands, stay home.
Let go of your plans.
Recognize how little control you have over the future.
Deny yourself
Trusting that God can use this seemingly small effort to save lives.

Naaman returns to the prophet healed.
Deeply thankful, ready to make a great sacrifice.
Except he is not allowed to pay for the gift he received.
A reminder again
that no matter how mighty we are
God does not need our help.

God meets us in our humanity
The gracious gift of a piece of earth so that we can align ourselves with God
While not needing to give up everything in our lives.
An ancient sort of technology.
Allowing Naaman to remain with those he cared about.
While continuing in thankfulness for the gift he received.

Our gifts today are internet, computers, zoom and Netflix,
Keeping us connected to those we love
Allowing us to keep meeting together.
For the request to stay home is hardly easy.
Being human means being in community.
The lack of physical presence
Requires each of us to go a little against who
We are created to be.


Naaman didn’t learn humility in a day.
It started with the quiet voice of a servant girl
And the humility required to listen to her.
It all began with a stranger.
A foreign captive in Naaman’s house.
Who spoke up and was heard
Who brought words of hope
A promise of the impossible

In a time when distancing makes helping hard
When every other could be a potential threat
And even those I love
Are disrupting the order of my life.
How does one keep loving and listening?
When I’m turning in on myself
With barely enough energy left over for me,
How do I care for those who are part of my communities?
my next door neighbors?
Let alone the foreigner
and the potential threat.
This illness that spreads through being connected.
How does my physical distance
Not become emotional and spiritual distance?

But that is not what the servant girl did.
She spoke up.
Naaman listened.
Elisha intervened.
God acted.
And so the impossible happened.

Stay at home. Help others.
It sounds so simple.
Yet, just like with Naaman, it asks so much more of us.
It sounds like nothing heroic,
except to throw my whole life into chaos
Rearranging all of our schedules,
Cancelling all my plans,
Confronting me with how little control I have,
Offering up my whole life to you.

The command has become the gift.
Let go of my efforts.
Trust in those of God.
And look forward to the day when this experience
Is behind us.
When we once again live fully in community.
And this experience is like the dirt that Naaman brought home.
A complicated piece of truth
To remind us of what we ought to be bowing down to.
Not our own control and plans.
But the one who controls all.