naming the homeless

when i moved to the community two years ago, "the homeless" became a regular part of my life. we have a drop-in area where anyone can come in and have coffee/tea with us. and people getting their life back together (often needing a place to live) can live with us. and so, i have gotten to know people who are and have been homeless. and as my dutch gets better and as i pay closer attention to what is happening around me, i am learning more than just people's names.

in many ways, i cannot imagine becoming homeless. i have been blessed with many people in a number of different countries who care about me and i am part of the family of God, who i expect to take care of me wherever i am. and yet, most of those i know who are homeless now also never imagined becoming homeless. but something happened. and something else. and then, homeless. sometimes it is choices that are made: poor use of money, drugs, alienating themselves from people around them, criminal actions, poor relationships, violence, etc. sometimes it is things over which there is much less control: war, language difficulties, being a foreigner, mental illness, other's decisions, escaping an unsafe relationship, etc.

and there are as many different personalities and reactions among those who are homeless as there are reasons for being homeless. some are friendly, polite and quiet. others are angry, fighting, and use other people. most of the homeless who come in for coffee are men, somewhere around 40. perhaps it is the men who feel safest sleeping in the parks, perhaps the women will look for shelter and help in other ways, perhaps this is the age when the choices catch up to you.

there is no simple response to being homeless or those who are homeless. some of those who come through our doors will stay homeless for years. some try to get through it in whatever way possible. some avoid others, as much as possible. others share their stories - and give advice of where to sleep and how to start over. and we offer a cup of coffee or tea. sometimes we listen - and sometimes we do not know how to or choose not to. sometimes we can offer help, and sometimes we suggest somewhere else to look. we can tell you where someone can give you immediate, temporary help: food and shelter. and for those willing, we offer a pattern of life, help to start over again, and a place to call home - even if we do it imperfectly. it is hard to open one's home and one's heart to different people; learning not only names but finding out who people really are.

my blog as a word cloud (2)

a couple of months after i began this blog, i created a word cloud of my blog. i looked again to see what my blog would look like as a word cloud - and see how the changes in my life over the past couple of years have been reflected in what i talk about most on the blog.

The following is the word cloud now:

and this is the word cloud from previously (4 march 2006):

and the changes in my life since then are reflected somewhat. i still talk about the big things happening in my life - although these have changed: previously, it was seminary and papers - and now it is jeremiah, biking and Amsterdam. and in both teaching is the same. and i still talk a lot about work and time - guess they're pretty important things for me, eh? and as far as other important things, i'm glad that still talk a lot about God and people and love and faith (although now it is focused more on christianity, church, and the crc).

and it's good to see them beside each other - to see again what is (still) important to me. and to be thankful to see some of the changes (especially things like biking and Amsterdam and Jeremiah being more part of life - things which all bring me joy). and to be thankful for things that have not changed.

sunday afternoon bike ride

in honour of the warm weather we've been having in Amsterdam (warm enough that it's actually humid and there have been thunderstorms), i went for that long bike ride north of Amsterdam along the lake that i've been meaning to make for a long, long time. the ride along the lake meant that i could get a bit wet when i started to get too warm. and i was only somewhat lost for a very short time (i'm a bit directionally challenged - and don't do so well if the maps aren't super detailed). but i figured out the sign and routing system for biking, which makes me glad - and will make it more likely that i bike longer distances again in the future.

today, it was about 40 km (25 miles) total, i think. and i'm only a little bit sore - but mostly from the bit of sun i got on my neck and back - i finally got a little bit of a suntan, which my mother would appreciate - although since i generally avoid sun, i'm not sure how enthusiastic i am about it. and the weather was beautiful. but no pictures - i forgot my camera, unfortunately. hopefully next time i'll bring it and i can show how peaceful and spacious things look like outside of Amsterdam.

the following is the approximate route i took, courtesy of google maps (you might have to move the map a bit to get to the Netherlands/ Amsterdam first in order to actually see the route. and click on the points to see the comments):

View Larger Map

A paraphrase of Psalm 133

I received a paraphrase of Psalm 133 in an email list list yesterday that I found delightful. So I thought I'd share it (after already sharing it in chapel last night).

The following is the NRSV's version of Psalm 133:

How very good and pleasant it is
when kindred live together in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down upon the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down over the collar of his robes.
It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion.
For there the Lord ordained his blessing,
life for evermore.

[posted with help from Oremus Bible Browser]


The following is a paraphrase that fits a bit more with our experience today:

How wonderful it is to live
in harmony with all people:
like stepping out of the bath,
your whole body fresh and vibrant;
like the morning dew, glistening
on the tiniest blade of grass.
It is God's infinite blessing,
a taste of eternal life.

Stephen Mitchell, from A Book of Psalms: Selected and Adapted from the Hebrew

Taken from *culture is not optional's e-mail list "daily asterisk" - 23 July 2008.

finding a voice

i remember a story about a child who grew up in a country with one language, parents who spoke another, a nanny who spoke yet another, and both grandparents speaking still other languages. long past the expected time for a child to speak, he still hadn't said anything. when he finally spoke, he used all the languages, as if it took him the extra several years to find his voice just to sort out which language to use when.

and i feel a lot like that - like i'm still trying to find my voice in the midst of all the languages around me. i'm not sure if being good at one aspect of languages (the written part) and being fairly self-aware has helped or hindered me, but the bombardment of different languages, cultures, assumptions, and everything else related of the last 9 years feel like they haven't been quite sorted out yet. i recognize it's been a bit much: i have had hundreds of people who've known my name, people who've been caring and/or in need of care; and people who've been searching and helped me with my own searching. there have been 6 new languages, my residing in 3 different countries (none of which i'd grown up in), about a dozen different jobs and/or schooling, having lived with people from several dozen different cultures - with major experiences and cultures rarely colliding except inside me, with my often being the only one present of a certain culture. and with each new culture i live amongst (and hopefully grow from), "my" culture has grown to be as change-able and unique as my accent. but for someone who still struggles with an unhealthy desire to make others happy, it is hard feeling that my culture - and what it is that fundamentally makes up who i am - so often doesn't quite fit (i.e. is in dissonance) with the world around me. and i wonder if i even understand enough of what is going around me to be heard; whether i have anything to say that actually does relate to what is happening or that it is even worthwhile.

i keep hoping that one day i will just wake up speaking all of the languages perfectly and knowing how everything fits together (like the likely mythical story above). i doubt that will happen - nor is it necessarily good. if i stop being aware of the tension in the many cultures around me, if i start believing that i have everything all figured out, if i stop trying to participate fully, then i have lost part of my voice. and even if i find all the mistakes inherent in my finding my full voice [being like a child learning a language], even if i find this struggle to be exhausting and disheartening, i pray that i have the courage to continue - so that i might speak words worth hearing and listen well to all the voices around me.

no, i really am not interested...

like most people, i used to be annoyed with telemarketers. however, i did recognize that my Christianity affected how i dealt with this annoyance, and so the person calling ought to be treated with respect and grace. even as i still try to make it very clear that i really am not interested - in fact, i ewant to show them i don't have any need for it - or i have something even better. i've managed to bump into something else in Amsterdam that creates in me that same general annoyed feeling of "aargh, what part of 'i'm not interested' do you not seem to understand?!?"

where i come from, you wave at everybody else who drives by irrelevant of whether you know them (it's a small-town thing). but if you're in a big city, you ignore everyone. this is partially so as not to attract any unwanted attention and inconvenience yourself and/or potentially put yourself in danger. in Amsterdam, i have to adapt away from ignoring everyone, as it's not like i have to worry too much about personal safety (i live with tons of people - and a number of the homeless folk around either know me or at least know the place i live), and i want to be part of reaching out to our neighbourhood (which includes having strangers come into our house for coffee daily). so i'm much more friendly to the people around me, even being willing to look people in the eyes, smile, and even say hello (if i know them), although i still generally ignore (and even disdain) tourists. and i like having the freedom to laugh and wave at the guys cleaning the streets who admire how i look in a skirt and boots. however, every so often i bump into one of those "aargh" moments.

one day on my way home from church, i saw some guy looking at me. i looked back, he continued to look, i ignored him as much as possible. the thought i was trying to convey to him was "please do not talk to me - i have no desire to tell you i'm not interested in whatever you're offering in any way that is gracious." he missed my not-so-subtle non-verbal clues and talked to me. he told me i looked very beautiful (i said, thanks). he asked if he could walk with me for awhile (i said, okay). he asked me where i lived (i told him). asked my name (i told him and asked for his). he told me again how beautiful i looked and that's why he couldn't help stare at me earlier. and he told me that he wanted to get to know me better and wouldn't i go out for a drink with him (me: no, thanks). maybe we could make an appointment for another time (i told him i had a boyfriend who would not like that). and he left.

and i was generally annoyed with the situation. partly because i could have done a better job of explaining why i wasn't interested other than having a potentially jealous boyfriend. partly because i could have actually offered the hospitality of a cup of coffee to him (at my house) and introduced him to a different world (but i was too irritated with his not understanding my lack of interest to feel very gracious). and partly because i find it frustrating that just because i live in the Red Light District, that if i'm walking alone dressed up, respond in a generally polite manner, and am told i'm beautiful, that some male i've never met before finds it appropriate to indicate that he wants to have some kind of a relationship with me.

that guy got less grace than ideal (although he actually listened fairly well to my "not interested" response). but i was angry with him because he was the second strange male that week. and the first one had really missed it. i had done better - i had actually invited him inside for a coffee, but he couldn't believe that i would offer only coffee and a talk - and when he finally realized that's all i was offering, he wasn't interested in the real relationship i could have offered him. and as much as i find being solicited by strangers annoying, i find it even more annoying that they would be so surprised or disinterested when i might offer them something better than they are trying to offer me.

Foto's from my life - Amsterdam summer 2008

As I've realized that I have been long overdue in posting pictures of my life in Amsterdam, i finally took some photos. The following are a few of the photos:

a football (soccer) game while the Netherlands was still winning :)

my street - the swans in the middle of a busy canal in the Red Light District still surprise me, even though i've seen that this is normal here.


bikes along the Amstel river - my bike is the same as the green one - except in classic black.


. A couple of friends and I at Rembrandt's 402nd birthday party/breakfast :)

The rest can be accessed via Facebook :)